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The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web<strong>. </strong> v.3

The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web<strong>. </strong> v. 3
The line graph shows the number of users of two different music sites namely, Music choice and Pop parade within two weeks. It is clear that both music sites experienced a significant increase in terms of their number of visitors towards the end of the period. It is also noticeable that more people used Music Choice than Pop parade throughout most of the period. Turning to details, the number of listeners visited Music choice was 120 thousand on the first day and was almost thrice than the visitors to Pop parade music website which was only 40 thousand on the same day. From first day onwards, the number of visits started to fell noticeably from 120 thousand in Music choice, except Pop Parade which had a slight decline. By comparison, the number of people visited Music Choice was 120000, compared to Pop Parade which was used by 60000 people on the third day shown. There was a slight fluctuation in the number of visitors to Pop Parade between 20000 and 40000 from on the day 4 till 11, in comparison, has increased from 40k to 140k, the figure for Music choice in 2 days. The visitors of Pop Parade decreased steadily from 120k till nearly 118k in two days and then recovered at that rate, whereas visits of Music Choice peaked on the 14th day.
The line graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
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number
of users of two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
sites
namely
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
and Pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parade
within two weeks. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
sites experienced a significant increase in terms of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
towards the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period. It is
also
noticeable that more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Choice
than Pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parade
throughout most of the period.

Turning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of listeners visited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
was 120 thousand on the
first
day and was almost
Use "(thrice)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
thrice
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
to Pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
website which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
40 thousand on the same day. From
first
day onwards, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of visits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to fell
noticeably
from 120 thousand in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
, except Pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parade
which had a slight decline.

By comparison, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Choice
was 120000, compared to Pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parade
which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by 60000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on the third day shown. There was a slight fluctuation in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
to Pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parade
between 20000 and 40000 from on the day 4 till 11,
in comparison
, has increased from 40k to 140k, the figure for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
in 2 days. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
of Pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parade
decreased
steadily
from 120k till
nearly
118k in two days and then recovered at that rate, whereas visits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Choice
peaked on the 14th day.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS academic The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web<strong>. </strong> v. 3

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
225 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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