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Some believe that people should get a job right after school. Others say they should attend university. Discuss both views and state your opinion. v.2

Some believe that people should get a job right after school. Others say they should attend university. v. 2
Some people hold the opinion that people try to find a job afterwards the school, while rest of the people believes that higher education is very essential before commencing the job. I, however, believe that higher education plays most significant role throughout the duration of job. To begin with, I would like to outline the advantages of education that actually is far beneficial for every individual whether they do job, business or something else. Many adepts assert that the university where people come to get higher education is more noteworthy place to improve their interpersonal skills by meeting different people with several cultures. Moreover, some pedagogical expert thinks that University is like a mini universe where people meet with different professionals of different countries and organization which eventually is far beneficial for those students who are going to start their professional life. Along with, in higher education number of subject are very useful for students to learn various techniques and concepts which play substantial part in professional career. On the other hand, early job has many adverse consequences which is not suitable for students as well as it ruin their lives as well. One of the obvious disadvantages of start early job is that students cannot focus completely on their education which ultimately impacts on their future. Alongside, most of the students have become addicted of earning money at their early age instead of studying. Apart from this, in third world countries mostly students are paying full efforts with their job and studies which is unfair for them from the government. At last, government need to provide opportunity for those students who are keen to learn but cannot study owing to inadequacy of money. To sum up, people need to focus on their education first instead of start early age job which is rudimentary step towards the success. Whereas, government also need to look an eye on those student who are keen to learn but could not study due to financial problem.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
try to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
afterwards the school, while rest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believes that higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
commencing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. I,
however
, believe that higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays most significant role throughout the duration of job.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I would like to outline the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
that actually is far beneficial for every individual whether they do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, business or something else.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
adepts assert that the university where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is more noteworthy place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
by meeting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with several cultures.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pedagogical expert
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that University is like a mini universe where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
professionals of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries and organization which
eventually
is far beneficial for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their professional life. Along with, in higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
number of subject are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to learn various techniques and concepts which play substantial part in professional career.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adverse consequences which is not suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as well
as it ruin their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as well
. One of the obvious disadvantages of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
cannot focus completely on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
which
ultimately
impacts on their future. Alongside, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have become addicted of earning money at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
age
instead
of studying. Apart from this, in third world countries
mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are paying full efforts with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and studies which is unfair for them from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. At last,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
need to provide opportunity for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are keen to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
cannot study owing to inadequacy of money.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to focus on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
first
instead
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which is rudimentary step towards the success. Whereas,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
need to look an eye on those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who are keen to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
could not study due to financial problem.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS academic Some believe that people should get a job right after school. Others say they should attend university. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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