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The charts below show the total number of applicants the year before and the year after Doolittle University’s social media advertising campaign, organized by age range and how close the applicants live to the university. Summarize the information by s v.2

The charts below show the total number of applicants the year before and the year after Doolittle University’s social media advertising campaign, organized by age range and how close the applicants live to the university.
The Bar graphs illustrate the count of applicants a year before and after Doolittle University’s social media campaign arranged by age group and the distance they live from the University. Overall, the increase in the number of applications has been increased in all the cases except the middle age groups of students who live more than 100KM from Doolittle University. On analysing the applicants who live within 100KMS from the University. On the one hand, a slight increase can be noted in 18 to 22 and 23 to 29 age groups as applicants increased from 380 to 390, 170 to 180 respectively. On the other hand, Noticeable changes can be observed in both 30- 39, 40 and above the age people as there is a considerable increase as 40 to 70, 10 to 50 respectively. While considering applications further 100kms and above, dramatic growth can be observed in young age people from less than 200 to more than 300. In the case of old applicants, a modest increase is found from 5 to 10 approximately. In contrast, in both groups of medium age, a number of applications got dropped slightly.
The Bar graphs illustrate the count of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applicants
a year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and after Doolittle University’s social media campaign arranged by
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age
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group
and the distance they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
from the University.

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the number of applications has
been increased
in all the cases except the middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
of students who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
more than 100KM from Doolittle University.

On
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the
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applicants
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
within 100KMS from the University. On the one hand, a slight
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increase
can
be noted
in 18 to 22 and 23 to 29
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
as
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applicants
increased from 380 to 390, 170 to 180
respectively
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
On
the other hand, Noticeable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
can
be observed
in both
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
30- 39
, 40 and above the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as there is a considerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
as 40 to 70, 10 to 50
respectively
.

While considering applications
further
100kms and above, dramatic growth can
be observed
in young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from less than 200 to more than 300. In the case of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applicants
, a modest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
is found
from 5 to 10 approximately.
In contrast
, in both
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groups
of medium
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, a number of applications
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
dropped
slightly
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS academic The charts below show the total number of applicants the year before and the year after Doolittle University’s social media advertising campaign, organized by age range and how close the applicants live to the university.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
190 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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