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the chart below show the percentage of male and female students getting top grades in 1960 and 2000 Summarise and information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons where relevant v.2

the chart below show the percentage of male and female students getting top grades in 1960 and 2000 Summarise and information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons where relevant v. 2
The given column charts compare the rate of different gender students who achieved top marks in 1960 and 2000. Overall, it can be seen from graph that percentage of top scorers in different subject by girls were decrease moderately while this ratios were fluctuated for males; except only for Language for boys and maths for females remained unchanged. In 1960, approximately 30 per cent males scored good grade in science and maths, whereas in language and humanities accounted for just above a fifth. Only one in ten scored high in arts. In contrast, girls did much better in language and humanities and arts, which made up 45%, around a third and 30% scoring high in these subject respectively. Only 10% girls succeed in science and the least scored high in maths, at 5% merely. In 2000, among boys, the percentage of top scorers in arts and humanities almost double whereas in science and maths became approximately half as compare to the figure of 1960. The number of girls who got good scorers after 40 years in arts, language and humanities were a significant decreased, which constituted a little more than 30% for languages and approximately a quarter for arts and humanities.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
column charts compare the rate of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
gender students who achieved top marks in 1960 and 2000.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from graph that percentage of top scorers in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
subject by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
were decrease
moderately
while
Did you mean "these"?
this
ratios
were fluctuated
for males; except
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Language
for boys and
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
for females remained unchanged.

In 1960, approximately 30 per cent males scored
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
grade in science and
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
, whereas in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and humanities accounted for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
above a fifth.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
one in ten scored high in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
did much better in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and humanities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, which made up 45%, around a third and 30% scoring high in these subject
respectively
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
10%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
succeed in science and the least scored high in
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
, at 5%
merely
.

In 2000, among boys, the percentage of top scorers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and humanities almost double whereas in science and
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
became approximately half as compare to the figure of 1960. The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
girls
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
scorers after 40 years in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and humanities were a significant decreased, which constituted a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
more than 30% for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
and approximately a quarter for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and humanities.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS academic the chart below show the percentage of male and female students getting top grades in 1960 and 2000 Summarise and information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparisons where relevant v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
201 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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