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Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales position v.7

Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales position v. 7
Some sales corporations ought to employ people who need to earn plenty of money made them dedicate themselves to their job. In my opinion, I believe that money is an important role behind selecting hard work, and I also believe that there are various reasons for chairmen in sales companies consider recruiting people for sales positions. There are several certain causes to explain why money is a key behind hard work. In contemporary societies, such as some job positions are replaced by robots, so this trend leads people to lack jobs and unemployment. As a result, it is difficult to find a good job and salary, and they can have to suffer from under pressure on the money when they live in the development of the economy period. The second reason is that some countries can not find a senior position for poor people, especially poor Indians. As consequently, poor Indians have to do hard work earned a salary; however, they just have a low amount of money in their job, this leads them to do more hard works than richer people. The first factor is that the sales positions cannot adopt with some people. For instance, some people are likely to be easily angry rather than others. As a result, angry people cannot control their emotions, so this can make customers feeling unpleasant. Another good example of this is that some workers have good communication skill, they could be chosen by seniors in companies. As a result, some businesses need people who have experience with communication skills with consumers, this is a benefit for the employee when they want to work in this place. In conclusion, some businesses think that they recruit people who lack money, this can make workers devoted themself in their companies. In my view, I think that if people have not enough money to pay for other activities in their life, and then they are more likely to do hard work to find a good salary than others, I also agree that senior positions ought to consider some main factors when they recruit people for sales positions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
corporations ought to employ
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who need to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
made them dedicate themselves to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. In my opinion, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role behind selecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, and I
also
believe that there are various reasons for chairmen in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
consider recruiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
positions.

There are several certain causes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is a key behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. In contemporary societies, such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
are replaced
by robots,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this trend leads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to lack
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and unemployment.
As a result
, it is difficult to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and salary, and they can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
suffer from under pressure on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the development of the economy period. The second reason is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries can not find a senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
for poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
poor Indians. As
consequently
, poor Indians
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
earned a salary;
however
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
have a low amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, this leads them to do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
works than richer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

The
first
factor is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
cannot adopt with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are likely to be
easily
angry
rather
than others.
As a result
, angry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot control their emotions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
customers feeling unpleasant. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
example of this is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
workers have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, they could
be chosen
by seniors in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
businesses need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have experience with communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
with consumers, this is a benefit for the employee when they want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in this place.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
businesses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they recruit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who lack
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
workers devoted
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. In my view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to pay for other activities in their life, and then they are more likely to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
salary than others, I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
ought to consider
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
main factors when they recruit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic Sales companies should recruit people who are hungry for money as they will make the most dedicated workers. Do you think money is the driving force behind hard work? What factors should be taken into consideration when recruiting staff for sales position v. 7

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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