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The line graph shows total bonus payments from April to March by a private sector, financial year ending 2001 to financial year ending 2016 in the UK. v.1

The line graph shows total bonus payments from April to March by a private sector, financial year ending 2001 to financial year ending 2016 in the UK. v. 1
The line graph represents the trend of the bonus payments made by three different sectors, namely; finance and insurance, rest of economy and whole economy from 2001 to 2016 in the UK. The units are measured in billions of pound sterling. Overall, the total bonus payments have increased for all sectors. Whole economy was paid the highest bonus payments in overall and this remained at its dominance for more than 15 years of periods. Whole economy paid the highest total bonus payments to its employees. In 2001, it was about 22 billion pounds before it drastically rose to its peak of 40 billion pounds in 2007 and then the amount dropped to around 30 billion pounds by 2008. From 2008 to 2016, the total amount of bonus paid by whole economy steadily increased back to over 40 billion pounds. Meanwhile, finance and insurance, and rest of economy were the second and the third highest bonus payments, which had the similar trend with the whole economy. The bonus payments recorded for the rest of economy was about 15 billion pounds and 10 billion pounds for finance and insurance in the beginning of the financial year, by 2008 it had the peak to reach at about 22 billion and close to 20 billion pound sterling respectively. While the rest of economy had shown the constant incremental trend after 2008 to end at over 30 billion pound, the finance and insurance sector had declined to around 12 billion pound and remained at the similar figure until 2016.
The line graph represents the trend of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bonus
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payments
made by three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sectors,
namely
;
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finance
and
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insurance
,
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rest
of
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economy
and
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whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
from 2001 to 2016 in the UK. The units
are measured
in
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billions
of pound sterling.

Overall
, the total
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bonus
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payments
have increased for all sectors.
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Whole
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economy
was paid
the highest
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bonus
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payments
in
overall
and this remained at its dominance for more than 15 years of periods.

Whole
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economy
paid the highest total
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bonus
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payments
to its employees. In 2001, it was about 22
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billion
pounds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it
drastically
rose to its peak of 40
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billion
pounds in 2007 and then the amount dropped to around 30
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billion
pounds by 2008. From 2008 to 2016, the total amount of
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bonus
paid by
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whole
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economy
steadily
increased back to over 40
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billion
pounds.

Meanwhile,
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finance
and
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insurance
, and
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rest
of
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economy
were the second and the third highest
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bonus
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payments
, which had the similar trend with the
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whole
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economy
. The
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bonus
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payments
recorded for the
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rest
of
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economy
was about 15
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billion
pounds and 10
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billion
pounds for
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finance
and
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insurance
in the beginning of the financial year, by 2008 it had the peak to reach at about 22
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billion
and close to 20
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billion
pound sterling
respectively
. While the
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rest
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
had shown the constant incremental trend after 2008 to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
at over 30
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billion
Possible agreement error. The noun 'pound' seems to be countable, so consider using: "pounds".
pound
, the
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finance
and
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insurance
sector had declined to around 12
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billion
Possible agreement error. The noun 'pound' seems to be countable, so consider using: "pounds".
pound
and remained at the similar figure until 2016.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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IELTS academic The line graph shows total bonus payments from April to March by a private sector, financial year ending 2001 to financial year ending 2016 in the UK. v. 1

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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