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Nowadays many animal species are becoming extinct Some people believe that countries and individuals must solve this problem others believe human beings are more important Discuss both views and give your opinion v.2

Nowadays many animal species are becoming extinct Some people believe that countries and individuals must solve this problem others believe human beings are more important 2
A lot of animal species around the world are becoming disappear. While some people argue that both nations and citizens have to solve this issue to balance the ecosystem, I believe humans can create everything without animals and people should be put priority on animal. On the one hand, people have to solve animal extinction issues to balance ecosystem. The survival of this species is the food chain of others. If one species disappears, other species are not controlled anymore and this leads to serious environmental problems. For example, if people punch too many sharks, this leads to sharks’ extinction. The small fishes which are sharks’ food will generate quickly and destroy the ocean environment. However, I believe that it is more necessary to develop ourselves than resolve the extinction problem because people are the backgrounds of human civilization. On the other hand, it is thought that human beings are more essential because people built up human civilization. People are outstanding to other species because people have thinking, awareness and creativity. We can create food, accommodations, cities, countries, people can live and depend on each other without animals. For instance, scientists in America are developing energy packages which contain a number of nutritions and vitamins. These packages can recharge people’s energy immediately without eating food. I believe improving human ability is more preferable because it makes people more independent. In conclusion, although solving animal disappearance helps balance ecosystem, human beings are more essential because people have enough ability to build human civilization without animals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
species around the world are becoming disappear. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that both nations and citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
solve this issue to balance the ecosystem, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
can create everything without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be put
priority on animal.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
extinction issues to balance ecosystem. The survival of this species is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chain of others. If one species disappears,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
species are not controlled anymore and this leads to serious environmental problems.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
punch too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sharks, this leads to sharks’ extinction. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
fishes which are sharks’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will generate
quickly
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the ocean environment.
However
, I believe that it is more necessary to develop ourselves than resolve the extinction problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the backgrounds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
civilization.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings are more essential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
built up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
civilization.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are outstanding to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
species
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have thinking, awareness and creativity. We can create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, accommodations, cities, countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and depend on each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
For instance
, scientists in America are developing energy packages which contain a number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
nutritions
and vitamins. These packages can recharge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
energy immediately without eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. I believe improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
ability is more preferable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more independent.

In conclusion
, although solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
disappearance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
balance ecosystem,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings are more essential
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
ability to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
civilization without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS academic Nowadays many animal species are becoming extinct Some people believe that countries and individuals must solve this problem others believe human beings are more important 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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