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More and more people ore using the internet to do their tasks rather then doing in person. (e. g. bonking, shopping, hotel booking etc. ). Do the advantages of this trend outweighs the disadvantages? v.2

More and more people ore using the internet to do their tasks rather then doing in person. (e. g. bonking, shopping, hotel booking etc. ). Do the advantages of this trend outweighs the disadvantages? v. 2
The rise and adaption of Technology is increasing significantly. The usage of internet have made the life of public easier, quicker and comfortable. These days masses opt to do their task online rather then approaching in person. If I asked, I tend to believe that it has more unproductive outcomes then being advantageous. This essay will highlight that the disadvantages of this approach surpass the benefits brought by it. Out of all the reason within my knowledge, the foremost one is, lack of knowledge and understanding in people. Majority of the population are in favor of using technology but, they are unaware of cyber crime activities. There are several cases in which people face frauds. For an instance, there are emails sent to the client which state of lottery wining, free cash bonus, gift hamper and in turn the criminal asks for bank details to transfer money. So in that case host is cheated. The other reason is the recovery of the failed transaction. There are certain ways to do online transaction for booking, banking but if, the transaction is not reached to the destination and the amount is debited from the account then the process to recover the amount is tedious. The other demerit in terms of shopping is receiving defective piece even if the demanded price is paid off. Buying the products or likely material must be examined and analyzed first. It gives customer satisfaction and also surety of receiving an original item. Furthermore, laziness have affected almost half of the population. Presently, people choose to work in their comfort zone which makes them inactive. If any shopping or bank inquiry is to be done, then preferring to walk nearby stores or branch increases the activity level in them. A small walk of mile or half can be productive for good health. However, I could not underestimate the fruitful outcomes caused due to internet. For an example, if transferring the amount is urgent or required to be done in limited time then, it can be completed with few taps on smartphones or computers. Bookings can be done by seeing the rooms. Hotel' s website have a facility of virtual tours which is due to enhancement in technology. Shopping can be done online by looking at the products and reading limited reviews. Hence, to recapitulate and offer my position, only limited, minimal and static amount of transaction should be done online. If there is any risk factor involved in transaction, then going in person and completing the task is wise decision.
The rise and adaption of Technology is increasing
significantly
. The usage of internet
Did you mean "has"?
have
made the life of public easier, quicker and comfortable.

These days
You should probably use "mass".
masses
opt to do their task
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
rather
Did you mean "than"? 'than' is used for comparisons, 'then' is an expression of time.
then
approaching in person. If I asked, I tend to believe that it has more
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
unproductive


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
outcomes
then being advantageous. This essay will highlight that the disadvantages of this approach surpass the benefits brought by it.

Out of all the reason within my knowledge, the foremost one is, lack of knowledge and understanding in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Majority of the population are in
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
favor


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
of
using technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, they are unaware of cyber crime activities. There are several cases in which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
face frauds. For an instance, there
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
are


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
emails
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to the client which state of lottery wining, free cash bonus, gift hamper and in turn the criminal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
asks for
bank
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
to transfer money.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in that case
host
is cheated
. The other reason is the recovery of the failed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transaction
. There are certain ways to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transaction
for booking,

banking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transaction
is not reached to the destination and the amount
Did you mean "are"?
is
debited from the account then the process to recover the

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
amount
is tedious.

The other demerit in terms of shopping is receiving defective piece even if the demanded price
is paid
off. Buying the products or likely
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
material


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
must
be examined
and analyzed
first
. It gives customer satisfaction and
also
surety of receiving an original item.
Furthermore
, laziness have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
almost
half of the population.
Presently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose to work in their comfort zone which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them inactive. If any shopping or bank inquiry is to
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
be


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
done
, then preferring to walk nearby stores or branch increases the activity level in them. A
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
walk of mile or half can be productive for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health.

However
, I could not underestimate the fruitful outcomes caused due to internet. For an example, if transferring the amount is urgent or required to
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
be


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
done
in limited time then, it can
be completed
with few taps on smartphones or computers. Bookings can
be done
by seeing the rooms.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hotel&
#039; s website have
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
a


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
facility
of virtual tours which is due to enhancement in technology. Shopping can
be done
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
by looking at the products and reading limited reviews.

Hence
, to recapitulate and offer my position,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
limited, minimal and static amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transaction
should
be done
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. If there is any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
factor


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
involved
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transaction
, then going in person and completing the task is wise decision.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Mistakes

IELTS academic More and more people ore using the internet to do their tasks rather then doing in person. (e. g. bonking, shopping, hotel booking etc. ). Do the advantages of this trend outweighs the disadvantages? v. 2

Academic
  American English
18 paragraphs
422 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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