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The graph shows the percentage of males and females who hold each type of qualification in 2005 in NZ. Summarise the information in the charts and make comparisons where appropriate. v.2

The graph shows the percentage of males and females who hold each type of qualification in 2005 in NZ.
The bar chart shows the percentage of men and women who completed various educational qualifications in NZ in 2005. Nearly 90% of people who completed trade certificates were male compared to a figure of around 10% for females. The reason for this difference is likely to be that skilled trade certificate courses comprise mainly male dominated trades such as plumbing, brick laying and carpentry. In contrast, diplomas and bachelor’s degrees are more female dominated with 62% and 55% of people completing these qualifications being female. The figures for males are less than 50% (38% and 45%, respectively). This reflects the fact that many females prefer to work in an office environment performing administration or professional based tasks. For higher qualifications (postgraduate diplomas and master’s or PhD degrees), there are a higher proportion of males (62% and 74%) compared to females (38% and 26%) who completed these degrees. This difference is most likely to be due to the preference of females to focus on families at the expense of higher education.
The bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women who completed various educational qualifications in NZ in 2005.

Nearly
90% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who completed trade certificates were male compared to a figure of around 10% for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
. The reason for this difference is likely to be that skilled trade certificate courses comprise
mainly
male dominated trades such as plumbing, brick laying and carpentry.

In contrast
, diplomas and bachelor’s degrees are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
dominated with 62% and 55% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
completing these qualifications being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
. The figures for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
are less than 50% (38% and 45%,
respectively
). This
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
reflects


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
prefer to work in an office environment performing administration or professional based tasks.

For higher qualifications (postgraduate diplomas and master’s or PhD degrees),

there are a higher proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
(62% and 74%) compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
(38% and 26%) who completed these degrees. This difference is most likely to be due to the preference of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
to focus on families at the expense of higher education.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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IELTS academic The graph shows the percentage of males and females who hold each type of qualification in 2005 in NZ.

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
170 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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