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The bar graph provides information about the most Common sports played in New Zealand in 2002. v.1

The bar graph provides information about the most Common sports played in New Zealand in 2002. v. 1
The proportion of boys and girls playing particular sports in New Zealand in 2002 is shown in the bar graph. It is evident that their sporting preference tended to be different. Soccer was the most popular sports among the boys, proofed with the high participation rate of almost 25%. Meanwhile, the sports with least popularity between boys was netball with only below than 5% of participation. In contrast, netball became the most played sports the girls with 25% while the lowest participation was shown in cricket with approximately 1%. The other sports such as swimming any other sports were also demanded among New Zealand’s children with approximately 20%. However, the tennis, basketball, martial arts, and athletics were less popular with only below than 10% participants
The proportion of boys and girls playing particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in New Zealand in 2002
is shown
in the bar graph. It is evident that their sporting preference tended to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.

Soccer was the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
among the boys, proofed with the high participation rate of almost 25%. Meanwhile, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
popularity between boys was netball with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Use "(below)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
below
than 5% of participation.
In contrast
, netball became the most played
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
the girls with 25% while the lowest participation
was shown
in cricket with approximately 1%.

The other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as swimming any other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
were
also
demanded among New Zealand’s children with approximately 20%.
However
, the tennis, basketball, martial arts, and athletics were less popular with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
below than 10% participants
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The bar graph provides information about the most Common sports played in New Zealand in 2002. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
124 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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