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The chart and the table show the rates of cell phone ownership for three groups: students at Jenny school, parents of those students and nationwide. v.2

The chart and the table show the rates of cell phone ownership for three groups: students at Jenny school, parents of those students and nationwide. v. 2
The chart and the table show the rates of cell phone ownership for three groups: students at Jenny school, parents of those students and nationwide. The students are the most interesting group. Trought 2002-2016 the ownership of cellphone had abruptly increased. In the beggining of the period the cell phones almost non exist, by 2010 the rates was 20%, but between 2012 and 2016, it jump up 50 points of percentage. Another group with a improvement in his cell phone ownership is the natiowide. In 2002 the 60% of population had their own devices, for the 2010 this grow up to a 85%, and for the 2016, almost all the populations had one. The flunctuation in those 14 years reached 36%. However, the group which increase slowly was the parents. From 2002 to 2016 the variation was 30%. Nevertheless, this group begun with a 50% of ownership, being in the top of the chart for 2002. The use for 2016 was an 80%. Overall, the cell phone ownership have increased over the years, showing a masification on the use of technology. Actually, each person in the nation have a cellphone.
The chart and the table
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the rates of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
for three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
: students at Jenny school, parents of those students and nationwide.

The students are the most interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Trought
2002-2016 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
of cellphone had
abruptly
increased. In the
Possible spelling mistake found.
beggining
of the period the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
almost non exist, by 2010 the rates was 20%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
between 2012 and 2016, it
Did you mean "jumps"?
jump
up 50 points of percentage.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
with
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
improvement in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
is the
Possible spelling mistake found.
natiowide
. In 2002 the 60% of population had their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
devices, for the 2010
The verb 'grow' is plural. Did you mean: "this grows"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this grow
up to
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
85%, and for the 2016, almost all the populations had one. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
flunctuation
in those 14 years reached 36%.

However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
which increase
slowly
was the parents. From 2002 to 2016 the variation was 30%.
Nevertheless
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
begun with a 50% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
, being in the top of the chart for 2002. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for 2016 was an 80%.

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ownership
have increased over the years, showing a
Possible spelling mistake found.
masification
on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technology. Actually, each person in the nation have a cellphone.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS academic The chart and the table show the rates of cell phone ownership for three groups: students at Jenny school, parents of those students and nationwide. v. 2

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
190 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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