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he chart below shows the level of participation in education and science in developing and industrialised countries in 1980 and 1990. v.1

he chart below shows the level of participation in education and science in developing and industrialised countries in 1980 and 1990. v. 1
The first bar graph illustrates the information about an average year of schooling while the second graph demonstrates the scientists and technicians per 1000 person and third graph represents the expenditure of researches and development in 1980 and 1990. All graph details are divided in to two sections (developing countries and industrial countries) also Third graph units are measured in a billion. Overall, industrial countries were increased in all categorize rather than developing countries. Turn to first chart, In 1980, the typical years of schooling in developing countries were presented approximately 2 years but industrial countries were over 8 years. Besides, when 1990, learning years of children in poor regions were slightly climbed up and other group has been considerably developed to over 10 years. However, the different between these two types of countries had been grown from 6 years to the nearest 7 years. Furthermore, the number of scientists and technicians in developed countries were exceeded developing countries in given two years. The gap between regions of two types was improved 1990 than in 1980. According to another graph, it has declined in the vegetative countries on spending money on research and sustainable development but, technical countries represented a major improvement for the construction in 1990 rather than 1980.
The
first
bar
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graph
illustrates the information about an average
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year
of schooling while the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
demonstrates the scientists and technicians per 1000 person and third
Possible agreement error. The noun 'graph' seems to be countable, so consider using: "graphs".
graph
represents the expenditure of researches and development in 1980 and 1990. All
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graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
are divided
Did you mean "into" (or 'in two')?
in to
two sections
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(developing
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countries
and industrial
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countries)
also
Third
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graph
units
are measured
in a billion.
Overall
, industrial
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countries
were increased
in all categorize
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
countries.

Turn to
first
chart, In 1980, the typical years of schooling in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
were presented
approximately 2 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
were over 8 years.
Besides
, when 1990, learning years of children in poor regions were
slightly
climbed up and other group has been
considerably
developed to over 10 years.
However
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
between these two types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
had
been grown
from 6 years to the nearest 7 years.

Furthermore
, the number of scientists and technicians in developed
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countries
were exceeded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
two years. The gap between regions of two types was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
1990 than in 1980. According to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
, it has declined in the vegetative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
on spending money on research and sustainable development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
represented a major improvement for the construction in 1990
rather
than 1980.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS academic he chart below shows the level of participation in education and science in developing and industrialised countries in 1980 and 1990. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
210 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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