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Describe an important choice you had to make in your life. You should say: - when you had to make this choice- what you had to choose between- whether you made a good choiceAnd explain how you felt when you were making this choice v.4

Describe an important choice you had to make in your life. You should say: - when you had to make this choice- what you had to choose between- whether you made a good choiceAnd explain how you felt when you were making this choice v. 4
Well, frankly speaking, there have been numerous decisions that I have made during the course of my life, however the one that I think should be mentioned is the decision made when I stood in-between two choices: either working for a local company, or for a foreign entity. It is about 9 years ago. As you might know, working for a foreign entity provides so many precious job opportunities. Not only increasing your exposure to multiple areas of the business and provides more opportunities for job movement within the organization, but being invested in the career development through internal and external continuing education and on the job training. You are able to expand your knowledge of the global market by applying best practices relating to policies and strategies. However, every coin has two sides, the drawbacks of working for an offshore company is that it can be hard to build a cohesive culture among employees with different cultural backgrounds. Organizational culture plays a crucial role in the health and prosperity of a company. It refers to the values and norms the employees share and it can have a direct impact on their happiness and productivity. In addition, you must work under high pressure and the big volume of workloads and a lot of deadlines. Although I can learn how to face and deal with challenges, but still, I think it is a very risky choice to work for foreign company. At the end, I chose to work for a local company. And you know, I have had more time to take care of my son and my small company. Here, despite of the of the bureaucracy of the local company structure of the local company structure, I still have a chance to meet and greet new colleagues that share the same culture with me, and another crucial reason for it is because of the wonderful time I had with my family. So far, I think it is not necessarily the best choice, but the most practical one. And if you ask me, I would say that I’m reasonably content with it.
Well,
frankly
speaking, there have been numerous decisions that I have made during the course of my life,
however
the one that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
should
be mentioned
is the decision made when I stood in-between two choices: either working for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, or for a foreign entity. It is about 9 years ago.

As you might know, working for a foreign entity provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
precious job opportunities. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
increasing your exposure to multiple areas of the business and provides more opportunities for job movement within the organization,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
being invested
in the career development through internal and external continuing education and on the job training. You are able to expand your knowledge of the global market by applying best practices relating to policies and strategies.

However
, every coin has two sides, the drawbacks of working for an offshore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is that it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to build a cohesive culture among employees with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultural backgrounds. Organizational culture plays a crucial role in the health and prosperity of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. It refers to the values and norms the employees share and it can have a direct impact on their happiness and productivity.
In addition
, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
work under high pressure and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
volume of workloads and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
deadlines.

Although I can learn how to face and deal with challenges,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
risky choice to work for foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, I chose to work for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. And you know, I have had more time to take care of my son and my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
. Here, despite
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "of the".
of the of the
bureaucracy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
structure of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
structure, I
still
have a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and greet new colleagues that share the same culture with me, and another crucial reason for it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the wonderful time I had with my family.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
far, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is not
necessarily
the best choice,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the most practical one. And if you ask me, I would say that I’m
reasonably
content with it.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS academic Describe an important choice you had to make in your life. You should say: - when you had to make this choice- what you had to choose between- whether you made a good choiceAnd explain how you felt when you were making this choice v. 4

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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