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Children today are not as fit and healthy as in the past. Discuss the causes for this situation with relevant examples and give your opinion on possible solutions. v.2

Children today are not as fit and healthy as in the past. Discuss the causes for this situation with relevant examples and give your opinion on possible solutions. v. 2
Health and its care are a very important issue in our modern society. Nowadays, we do not only survive and reproduce, like many years ago, but have other concerns like improving our health and the sustainability of the planet, for example. In the following paragraphs I will share my point of view in what are the possible causes of todays children not being as fit and healthy as in the past. Firstly, I start by addressing the topic with the most expected reason why children nowadays have not healthy lifestyles compared with the past; The technological evolution is a powerful substitute for the many possible activities children used to play outside. Like playing soccer and other sport, now can be played in videogames. In fact, less and less kids today play outside activities during their free time, which also tends to influence more this tendency. Another possible cause that explains the topic being discussed is the fact that todays parents are overly protected towards their children and don´t want them to get hurt during any physical activity. When adressing health, not only physical activity should play a role but also nutrition. Unfortunately, nowadays children eating habits are worse by the day. Fast food and other heavelly processed foods play a big role in children nutrition. In order to solve this problem, children and parents should consider droping down the computers and smart phones and invest more time in outdoor physical activities as a way of living. Governament should also incentivate people to procede this way through financial, or other benefits. In summary, the high tech world with a more and more fast food nutrition as contributed to the loss of the healthfull and fitness of past genarations. To correct this problem society should consider change their habits, either through single individuals or incentives of the governament and other agencies.
Health and its care are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue in our modern society. Nowadays, we do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
survive and reproduce, like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years ago,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
concerns like improving our health and the sustainability of the planet,
for example
. In the following paragraphs I will share my point of view in what are the possible causes of
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not being as fit and healthy as in the past.

Firstly
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
by addressing the topic with the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nowadays have not healthy lifestyles compared with the past; The technological evolution is a powerful substitute for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
outside. Like playing soccer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sport,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
can
be played
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
videogames
. In fact, less and
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun kids is countable.
less
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
during their free time, which
also
tends to influence more this tendency.

Another possible cause that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
the topic
being discussed
is the fact that
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
parents are
overly
protected towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You used an accent character instead of an apostrophe. Please use either "don't" or "don’t".
don´t
want them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hurt during any physical activity.

When
Possible spelling mistake found.
adressing
health, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a role
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
nutrition. Unfortunately, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
eating habits are worse by the day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
food and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Possible spelling mistake found.
heavelly
processed foods
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
nutrition.

In order to solve this problem,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and parents should consider
Possible spelling mistake found.
droping
down the computers and smart phones and invest more time in outdoor physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as a way of living.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Governament
should
also
Possible spelling mistake found.
incentivate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
procede
this way through financial, or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
benefits.

In summary, the high tech world with a more and more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food nutrition as contributed to the loss of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
healthfull
and fitness of past
Possible spelling mistake found.
genarations
. To correct this problem society should consider
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their habits, either through single individuals or incentives of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
governament
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
agencies.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS academic Children today are not as fit and healthy as in the past. Discuss the causes for this situation with relevant examples and give your opinion on possible solutions. v. 2

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
309 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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