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Do you think consumer should avoid over packed products or it is responsibility of product producers to avoid extra packaging of products. v.2

Do you think consumer should avoid over packed products or it is responsibility of product producers to avoid extra packaging of products. v. 2
People have different opinions to avoid packing products. One group argues that it is individual responsibility but the other group says it is manufacturer responsibility to control the extra package. In my personal opinion, both of them should take initiative and stop such kind of wastage. First and foremost thing who ever produce and sell packing items, they must consider environment safety. As we are very much aware the major problem in our society is due to lot of garbage. I have read few articles on this issue, as they were requesting to change the packing style. As we know how much money, effort we are spending to recycle the waste items. I have read news on this topic. As few countries were encouraged companies who ever follow garbage recycling process. Secondly Individuals must not encourage over packed products. As we know how it is creating problems in terms of global warming. Recently one of the city started charging amount based on their wastage, as they need to spend a lot of effort to recycle this. We must create awareness with the help of social media, how we can avoid or ban these kinds of products. Final conclusion of this issue, everyone must own the responsibility to reduce over packing products. There are proven facts available to get self motivation and predict the over package related things.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions to avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packing
products. One group argues that it is individual responsibility
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the other group says it is manufacturer responsibility to control the extra package. In my personal opinion, both of them should take initiative and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
such kind of wastage.

First
and foremost thing who ever produce and sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packing
items, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider environment safety.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
we are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much aware the major problem in our society is due to
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
garbage. I have read few articles on this issue, as they were requesting to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packing
style. As we know how much money, effort we are spending to recycle the waste items. I have read news on this topic.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
few countries
were encouraged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
who ever follow garbage recycling process.

Secondly
Individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not encourage over packed products.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
we know how it is creating problems in terms of global warming. Recently one of the city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
charging amount based on their wastage, as they need to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effort to recycle this. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
create awareness with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of social media, how we can avoid or ban these kinds of products.

Final conclusion of this issue, everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
the responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
packing
products. There
are proven
facts available to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
self motivation and predict the over package related things.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS academic Do you think consumer should avoid over packed products or it is responsibility of product producers to avoid extra packaging of products. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
227 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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