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You’re interested in a music course that you saw on an advertise. Write a letter to the club. In your letter, you should: explain why you’re interestedrequest more information about the coursetalk about your past experiences. v.2

You’re interested in a music course that you saw on an advertise. Write a letter to the club. In your letter, you should: explain why you’re interestedrequest more information about the coursetalk about your past experiences. v. 2
Dear Sir, I am writing this letter in response to the advertisement of a music course that your club is offering and would like to express my keen interest in it. Music is my passion, and I have been listening to different types of music since my childhood. However, my interest in this course increased when I read that some professional musician will also teach in the club. I have learnt playing music in different institutes but learning from experts is the main reason why I want to join it. I would like to inquire some information reading classes. First of all, the duration of it was not mentioned. Would you please explain complete time frame and specify different types of music that will be taught in it? Also, could you tell me, if the club offers any membership or discount thereof? My experience of music is more than seven years as I opted for arts in my school. There are several musical instruments that I can play splendidly, such as violin, guitar, piano. My skills of playing violin and guitar made me distinctive in different concerts and also was awarded multiple times for it. I am looking forward to further hearing from you soon about this great learning opportunity. Yours faithfully, Salman Khan
Dear Sir,

I am writing this letter in response to the
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
course that your club is offering and would like to express my keen interest in it.

Music is my passion, and I have been listening to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
since my childhood.
However
, my interest in this course increased when I read that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professional musician will
also
teach in the club. I have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
institutes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
learning from experts is the main reason why I want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
it.

I would like to inquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information reading classes.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the duration of it was not mentioned. Would you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
complete time frame and specify
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
that will
be taught
in it?
Also
, could you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
me, if the club offers any membership or discount thereof?

My experience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is more than seven years as I opted for arts in my school. There are several musical instruments that I can play
splendidly
, such as violin, guitar, piano. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of playing violin and guitar made me distinctive in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
concerts and
also
was awarded
multiple times for it.

I am looking forward to
further
hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
about this great learning opportunity.

Yours
faithfully
,

Salman Khan
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS letter You’re interested in a music course that you saw on an advertise. Write a letter to the club. In your letter, you should: explain why you’re interestedrequest more information about the coursetalk about your past experiences. v. 2

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
213 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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