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You would like to get enrolled in a qualification course. Write a letter to the person in charge of the course and ask for detailed information regarding the course, fees and prerequisites. v.2

You would like to get enrolled in a qualification course. Write a letter to the person in charge of the course and ask for detailed information regarding the course, fees and prerequisites. v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, I am John Parkinson writing in regard to getting enrolled in a diploma course that your institution has recently invited candidates to apply to. I am hoping that you would provide me with some further details regarding this. I have learned about the course from a website and require further details to apply to this course. I have recently earned a Bachelor of Arts degree from the University of Edinburgh and hold a diploma in Basic Computing. I would like to enhance my skills in this arena and your course 'Advanced Diploma in Computing' seems a fitting one to me. Could you please write back to me with details about the course, particularly what topics it will cover and how long it will take. I need to know the admission process and course fee so please mention all the costs this course includes and how should I apply. If there is a special requirement to apply to the course, I should know it beforehand. I would be much obliged if you can provide me with the details at your earliest as I am looking forward to getting enrolled in this course. Yours faithfully, John Parkinson Model
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am John Parkinson writing in regard to getting enrolled in a diploma
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
that your institution has recently invited candidates to apply to. I am hoping that you would provide me with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
regarding this.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
have learned about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
from a website and require
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
to apply to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
have recently earned a Bachelor of Arts degree from the University of Edinburgh and hold a diploma in Basic Computing.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
would like to enhance my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in this arena and your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
'Advanced Diploma in Computing' seems a fitting one to me.

Could you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
write back to me with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
,
particularly
what topics it will cover and how long it will take. I need to know the admission process and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
fee
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
mention all the costs this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
includes and how should I apply.

If there is a special requirement to apply to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
, I should know it beforehand. I would be much obliged if you can provide me with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
details
at your earliest as I am looking forward to getting enrolled in this course.

Yours
faithfully
,

John Parkinson

Model
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS letter You would like to get enrolled in a qualification course. Write a letter to the person in charge of the course and ask for detailed information regarding the course, fees and prerequisites. v. 2

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
199 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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