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You went to the local hospital’s Emergency Department with your young child who had severe stomach pains. You had to wait for almost four hours before your daughter was treated by a doctor and, while you were waiting, you were constantly ignored by the other staff. v.1

You went to the local hospital’s Emergency Department with your young child who had severe stomach pains. You had to wait for almost four hours before your daughter was treated by a doctor and, while you were waiting, you were constantly ignored by the other staff. v. 1
Dear Sir or Madam, Two days ago I took my younger daughter to your hospital due to her sudden and relentless stomach pains but was very disappointed with the service I received. When my daughter needed emergency care, she and I were continually neglected. I am hoping that you would take actions so that no other patient and their relatives suffer and feel humiliation the way we did. In relation to the specifics of the event, my daughter started complaining about a severe stomachache at around 2: 30 pm on 24th June. After waiting for a couple of hours her condition worsened and I rushed to the hospital. I took her to the emergency department at your hospital and due to the negligence of the staff, I had to wait more than 4 hours before a doctor saw and treated her. Though the workers were gossiping, every time I requested them to call a doctor, they told me that they were busy. The type of service I was offered is an example of cruelty and no parent of an ill child deserves it. I have been constantly ignored when my child was crying in pain. This sort of staff in the emergency department of a hospital is not suitable at all. I request you to take this matter sincerely and try to take actions against those who are responsible. I hope to get a reply from you regarding the action you have taken. Yours faithfully, Rebecca Smith
Dear Sir or Madam,

Two days ago I took my younger daughter to your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
due to her sudden and relentless stomach pains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
disappointed with the service I received. When my daughter needed emergency care, she and I were
continually
neglected. I am hoping that you would take actions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that no other patient and their relatives suffer and feel humiliation the way we did.

In relation to the specifics of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, my daughter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
complaining about a severe stomachache at around 2: 30 pm on 24th June. After waiting for a couple of hours her condition worsened and I rushed to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
. I took her to the emergency department at your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
and due to the negligence of the staff, I had to wait more than 4 hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a doctor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
and treated her. Though the workers were gossiping, every time I requested them to call a doctor, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that they were busy. The type of service I
was offered
is an example of cruelty and no parent of an ill child deserves it. I have been
constantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
when my child was crying in pain.

This sort of staff in the emergency department of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
is not suitable at all. I request you to take this matter
sincerely
and try to take actions against those who are responsible.

I hope to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a reply from you regarding the action you have taken.

Yours
faithfully
,

Rebecca Smith
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS letter You went to the local hospital’s Emergency Department with your young child who had severe stomach pains. You had to wait for almost four hours before your daughter was treated by a doctor and, while you were waiting, you were constantly ignored by the other staff. v. 1

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
246 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • You went to the local hospital’s Emergency Department with your young child who had severe stomach pains. You had to wait for almost four hours before your daughter was treated by a doctor and, while you were waiting, you were constantly ignored by the other staff. v.1