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You went to the local hospital’s Emergency Department with your young child who had severe stomach pains. You had to wait for almost four hours before your daughter was treated by a doctor and, while you were waiting, you were constantly ignored by the other staff. v.2

You went to the local hospital’s Emergency Department with your young child who had severe stomach pains. You had to wait for almost four hours before your daughter was treated by a doctor and, while you were waiting, you were constantly ignored by the other staff. v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to express my utter dissatisfaction with your hospital's emergency service that I experienced last Monday when I took my six-year-old daughter to your hospital. I am hoping you will take this complaint seriously and take necessary actions. On Monday evening, my daughter Angela, all of a sudden, complained about stomach pain and it got severe every passing minute. In an hour, I rushed to your hospital's emergency department expecting speedy treatment of my daughter. But on the contrary, I faced the negligence of the hospital staff. I requested them to make an urgent appointment with a doctor as my daughter's condition was deteriorating and she was crying relentlessly. After waiting for four long hours, a doctor treated her. He told me, that was a serious case of food poisoning and the treatment was urgently required as it could have been fatal. He immediately admitted her to the hospital. I got terrified after the doctor told that to me. I continuously pleaded the staff for an urgent appointment but they completely ignored my request. This sort of negligence will hurt your hospital's reputation and set bad examples. I request you to take this matter sincerely and try to improve your emergency department's service as the term emergency doesn't suit it currently. Hope to get a reply soon regarding the action you are likely to take. Yours faithfully, John Louis
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to express my utter dissatisfaction with your hospital's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emergency
service that I experienced last Monday when I took my six-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
daughter to your hospital. I am hoping you will take this complaint
seriously
and take necessary actions.

On Monday evening, my daughter Angela, all of a sudden, complained about stomach pain and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
severe every passing minute. In an hour, I rushed to your hospital's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emergency
department expecting speedy treatment of my daughter.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
on the contrary
, I faced the negligence of the hospital staff.

I requested them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an urgent appointment with a doctor as my daughter's condition was
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
deteriorating and
she was crying
relentlessly
. After waiting for four long hours, a doctor treated her. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me, that was a serious case of food poisoning and the treatment was
urgently
required as it could have been fatal. He immediately admitted her to the hospital. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
terrified after the doctor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
that to me. I
continuously
pleaded the staff for an urgent appointment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
my request.

This sort of negligence will hurt your hospital's reputation and set
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
examples. I request you to take this matter
sincerely
and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emergency
department's service as the term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emergency
doesn't suit it
currently
.

Hope to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a reply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
regarding the action you are likely to take.

Yours
faithfully
,

John Louis
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS letter You went to the local hospital’s Emergency Department with your young child who had severe stomach pains. You had to wait for almost four hours before your daughter was treated by a doctor and, while you were waiting, you were constantly ignored by the other staff. v. 2

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
234 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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