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You would like to buy some electrical goods at a shop in a nearby town. v.4

You would like to buy some electrical goods at a shop in a nearby town. v. 4
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing this letter to inquire about the availability of some goods that I need to purchase soon. I have visited your store a few months ago and was impressed with your product catalogue. I am hoping you would be able to supply those products or order them for me from another source. I need an LG microwave oven, a Breville Smart Toaster, a 42 inch Sony Smart TV and a fully automatic washing machine. Kindly let me know if you have these electronic appliances ready to be shipped. In case, if you do not have any or all of these, would it be possible for you to order them on my behalf? I would really appreciate if you can recommend a good brand for the washing machine along with the price and specification of each item. Moreover, please inform me for how long you can hold those items for me as I will be out of town for a few days on a business trip. I would be much obliged if you can hold these items till the end of November. Expecting a reply from you soon. Yours faithfully, Mansoor Afzal
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing this letter to inquire about the availability of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
that I need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. I have visited your store a few months ago and
was impressed
with your product
Possible spelling mistake. 'catalogue' is British English.
catalogue
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am hoping you would be able to supply those products or order them for me from another source.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
need an LG microwave oven, a
Possible spelling mistake found.
Breville
Smart Toaster, a
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "42-inch"
42 inch
Sony Smart TV and a
fully
automatic washing machine. Kindly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me know if you have these electronic appliances ready to
be shipped
. In case, if you do not have any or all of these, would it be possible for you to order them on my behalf? I would
really
appreciate if you can recommend a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
brand for the washing machine along with the price and specification of each item.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
inform me for how long you can hold those items for me as I will be out of town for a few days on a business trip. I would be much obliged if you can hold these items till the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of November.

Expecting a reply from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Mansoor
Possible spelling mistake found.
Afzal
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS letter You would like to buy some electrical goods at a shop in a nearby town. v. 4

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
196 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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