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You would like to buy some electrical goods at a shop in a nearby town. v.3

You would like to buy some electrical goods at a shop in a nearby town. v. 3
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to inquire about some electronic goods that I want to purchase. Your shop has been recommended to me by a friend and he mentioned that you have a great variety of quality products and I am hoping to purchase them from you if you have the stock or can manage those for me. I want to purchase a Sony DVD player, a Samsung 3D television set, a Technics turntable, a blender and a radio with long wave capability. Do you have these items in stock, or if not, will you be able to order them for me? If you do have these items, how long would you be able to hold them for me? I am free this weekend and, if you have them, perhaps I can come over on Saturday morning to purchase and pick them up. However, before that, I am expecting a reply from you regarding the price and availability of those goods. Please write back to me as soon as possible at the above address or ring me at +85-8547120145. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Yours faithfully, Andrew Moore
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to inquire about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
electronic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
that I want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
. Your shop has
been recommended
to me by a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
friend and
he mentioned that you have a great variety of quality
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
products and
I am hoping to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
them from you if you have the stock or can manage those for me.

I want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
a Sony DVD player, a Samsung 3D television set, a
Possible spelling mistake found.
Technics
turntable, a blender and a radio with long wave capability. Do you have these items in stock, or if not, will you be able to order them for me? If you do have these items, how long would you be able to hold them for me?

I am free this weekend and, if you have them, perhaps I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
over on Saturday morning to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
and pick them up.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
that, I am expecting a reply from you regarding the price and availability of those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
write back to me as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible at the above address or ring me at +85-8547120145.

I look forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
faithfully
,

Andrew Moore
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS letter You would like to buy some electrical goods at a shop in a nearby town. v. 3

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
192 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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