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A restaurant has advertised in a newspaper that a waiter/waitress is required for evening work. It has also mentioned that the prospective candidate should have some experience. v.2

A restaurant has advertised in a newspaper that a waiter/waitress is required for evening work. It has also mentioned that the prospective candidate should have some experience. v. 2
Dear Mr Moore, I am writing to express my interest in the position of a waitress in your hotel. I am enclosing my resume, which further details my previous job experience and qualifications. I am hoping you would consider my application and give me a chance to meet with you in a formal interview to discuss further. I have previous experience as a waitress in the Albatros hotel where I worked as a part-timer for a year. Not only my qualifications and work experience make me a deserving candidate for the job, but my personality is also well suited to working as a waitress in a hotel like yours. I am a very friendly person and can quickly establish rapport with people of all ages. In my last waitress job, I had over a dozen repeat customers each day. And, the fast-paced environment of waiting on tables suits me well, because I thrive on working under pressure. In fact, my former boss was surprised at both my incredible stamina and efficiency in dealing with customers’ orders and requirements. I would like to meet with you at your convenience, to discuss the possibility of working at your hotel. I am available any time for a formal interview. Thank you for your consideration of my application. I look forward to meeting you soon. Yours faithfully, Emmie Lawren
Dear Mr Moore,

I am writing to express my interest in the position of a waitress in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hotel
. I am enclosing my resume, which
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
my previous job experience and qualifications.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am hoping you would consider my application and give me a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with you in a formal interview to discuss
further
.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
have previous experience as a waitress in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Albatros
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hotel
where I worked as a part-timer for a year. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
my qualifications and work experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me a deserving candidate for the job,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my personality is
also
well suited to working as a waitress in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hotel
like yours.

I am a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
friendly person and can
quickly
establish rapport with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of all ages. In my last waitress job, I had over a dozen repeat customers each day. And, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced environment of waiting on tables suits me well,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I thrive on working under pressure. In fact, my former boss
was surprised
at both my incredible stamina and efficiency in dealing with customers’ orders and requirements.

I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with you at your convenience, to discuss the possibility of working at your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hotel
. I am available any time for a formal interview.

Thank you for your consideration of my application. I look forward to meeting you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Emmie
Possible spelling mistake found.
Lawren
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS letter A restaurant has advertised in a newspaper that a waiter/waitress is required for evening work. It has also mentioned that the prospective candidate should have some experience. v. 2

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
224 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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