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You work for an international company, and would like to spend six months working in its head office in another country. v.4

You work for an international company, and would like to spend six months working in its head office in another country. v. 4
Dear Mr George, I am writing to express my interest in working at our company headquarters in the United Kingdom for a few months to further enhance my skills and get exposure to the global market trends of our products so that I can better contribute to my company and carry out my responsibilities more efficiently. As you know, I have been recently promoted to the assistant product manager post and I am working hard to collaborate with my team to enhance the sales and increase our brand reputation. However, I have been feeling the need to meet and work with our global team members and attend some training sessions that our head office in London arranges frequently. I am quite positive that the opportunity to work in our company’s head office for six months will further enhance my knowledge and give me an exposure to the global market trend. I have talked to Julian and he has agreed to take up my responsibilities during my absence. Furthermore, I will check my emails daily, and be available for emergency phone calls. Once I get back to the office, I would endeavour to work extra hours in order to catch up on anything I had missed. Finally, I would need your support to get approval so that I can work in our company’s head office for six months and fulfil the objectives. I look forward to your positive reply. Yours sincerely, Charles Hugo
Dear Mr George,

I am writing to express my interest in working at our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
headquarters in the United Kingdom for a few months to
further
enhance my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exposure to the global market trends of our products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I can better contribute to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and carry out my responsibilities more
efficiently
.

As you know, I have been recently promoted to the assistant product manager post and I am working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to collaborate with my team to enhance the sales and increase our brand reputation.
However
, I have been feeling the need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with our global team members and attend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
training sessions that our head
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
in London arranges
frequently
. I am quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
that the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
head
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
for six months will
further
enhance my knowledge and give me an exposure to the global market trend.

I have talked to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Julian and
he has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
to take up my responsibilities during my absence.
Furthermore
, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
my emails daily, and be available for emergency phone calls. Once I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
back to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
, I would
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
extra hours in order to catch up on anything I had missed.

Finally
, I would need your support to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
approval
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company’s
head
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
for six months and fulfil the objectives.

I look forward to your
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
reply.

Yours
sincerely
,

Charles Hugo
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS letter You work for an international company, and would like to spend six months working in its head office in another country. v. 4

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
241 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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