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You are not happy about a service you received a couple of days ago from a company and you have decided to complain about it. v.2

You are not happy about a service you received a couple of days ago from a company and you have decided to complain about it. v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to register a complaint with you regarding poor service, and the rude attitude by your stuff that I experienced last Monday when I visited your shop. I am hoping you would take proper steps so that no other customer feel humiliated the way I did. I went to your shop on Monday, 24th November, with the intention of purchasing a microwave oven for my home. While I was in your shop, not a single employee approached and offered me any assistance! They were watching a soap opera on the television and were fully focused on the show. I decided to ask one of the employees for help but he showed no interest to help me. He was actually rude when I asked him what types of microwave ovens were available in the shop and if he could assist me. He pointed out his finger to another employee and this gesture was extremely awkward. I wasn't there to ask a favour, rather purchase a product and the unprofessional employees you have are surely going to cost your business. I regret to have been in your shop and will never be there. However, you should know how poorly your staff treats your customers. I am hoping you would take initiatives to offer better customer experience in the future by hiring more professional employees. Yours faithfully, Irene Byers
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to register a complaint with you regarding poor service, and the rude attitude by your stuff that I experienced last Monday when I visited your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
. I am hoping you would take proper steps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that no other customer feel humiliated the way I did.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
went to your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
on
Did you mean to refer to the current year? 24th November 2020 is not a Monday, but a Tuesday.
Monday, 24th November
, with the intention of purchasing a microwave oven for my home. While I was in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
, not a single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
approached and offered me any assistance! They were watching a soap opera on the television and were
fully
focused on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
. I decided to ask one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
no interest to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me. He was actually rude when I asked him what types of microwave ovens were available in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
and if he could assist me. He pointed out his finger to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
and this gesture was
extremely
awkward. I wasn't there to ask a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
,
rather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
a product and the unprofessional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
you have are
surely
going to cost your business.

I
The verb 'regret' is used with the gerund form: "regret having".
regret to have
been in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
and will never be there.
However
, you should know how
poorly
your staff treats your customers. I am hoping you would take initiatives to offer better customer experience in the future by hiring more professional employees.

Yours
faithfully
,

Irene Byers
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS letter You are not happy about a service you received a couple of days ago from a company and you have decided to complain about it. v. 2

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
231 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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