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You recently received a letter from a friend asking for advice about whether to go to college or to try to get a job. You think he/she should get a job. v.4

You recently received a letter from a friend asking for advice about whether to go to college or to try to get a job. You think he/she should get a job. v. 4
Dear James, Hope you are doing great and thank you for writing to me. You have asked for my advice regarding the next step in you should take - either to join a college or alternatively get a job. I would suggest that you should gain some work experience before pursuing higher education. As I personally know you, you would not enjoy going to college right now because you have always wanted to work and what better time can it be to work than now? I personally feel getting a job is a better idea for you as it would expose you to the real business world which you can capitalise in your education since you are interested in studying in business administration. I joined university just after finishing high school and consequently, I couldn’t get any job experience in my field which I often regret. I believe you should not make the same mistake and instead take the opportunity to gain some valuable skills such as delegating tasks, managing time, meeting deadlines and working in a team. The job experience will enhance your decision-making and presentation skills. Moreover, it will open doors for better job opportunities in the future. I feel you should work in a large retail shop as a salesperson or perhaps join a small company that serves customers directly. It makes sense as it would be easier for you to find such a job in your city and it would let you understand the business frame closely. I hope my suggestion would help you decide what is best for you. Warm regards, Jeffrey
Dear James,

Hope you are doing great and thank you for writing to me. You have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
asked for
my advice regarding the
next
step in you should take
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
either to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a college or
alternatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. I would suggest that you should gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
pursuing higher education.

As I
personally
know you, you would not enjoy going to college right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you have always wanted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and what better time can it be to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
? I
personally
feel getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for you as it would expose you to the real business world which you can
Possible spelling mistake. 'capitalise' is British English.
capitalise
in your education since you
are interested
in studying in business administration.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
after finishing high school and
consequently
, I couldn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
experience in my field which I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
regret.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
believe you should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the same mistake and
instead
take the opportunity to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valuable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as delegating tasks, managing time, meeting deadlines and working in a team. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
experience will enhance your decision-making and presentation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Moreover
, it will open doors for better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities in the future.

I feel you should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a large retail shop as a salesperson or perhaps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that serves customers
directly
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
sense as it would be easier for you to find such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in your city and it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
you understand the business frame
closely
.

I hope my suggestion would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you decide what is best for you.

Warm regards,

Jeffrey
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS letter You recently received a letter from a friend asking for advice about whether to go to college or to try to get a job. You think he/she should get a job. v. 4

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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