Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

You want to appear for an interview to an another city by train. The train departed late from the station and you could not reach in time. Write a letter to the railway officer of your city. In your letter. When you traveled and why the train departed late. v.2

You want to appear for an interview to an another city by train. The train departed late from the station and you could not reach in time. Write a letter to the railway officer of your city. In your letter. When you traveled and why the train departed late. v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, This letter is a formal complaint with regards to explicit discontent towards the Railway Department for the train delay at the one of the local stations in Pune Junction. As a starting point, I had traveled on 12th October, 2019 from Pune to Mumbai on a journey for three hours to appear in the final round of an interview. Unfortunately, there was a small conflict among the staff and the management at the time of a departure. In addition, in a span of few minutes the staff went on strike and threatened to halt the services for the day. Ultimately, the station was jam-packed and it took almost four hours to resolve the matter. Nonetheless, the entire journey costed me delay of seven hours and I could not make at the interview at the stipulated time. Apparently, I was one of the two shortlisted candidates who made till the final round of the interview. To my surprise, the other candidate was selected for the job offer and despite making the Human Resources understand the given situation I was through due to the train delay, I had to return empty hand. Not only this, that I lost the job profile in a renowned company, however, my name was also registered in their records under the defaulter history. I am completely disgruntled and agonized as the train delay has ruined my career and I had lost the opportunity to work for one of the most listed companies in the world. I feel all those who were involved in the strike must be penalized so that they understand their responsibilities and value time. I am enclosing a copy of the letter to the Railway Ministry and along with this, the entire scenario will be published on the social media site for the public awareness. I hope this letter will awaken the staff and the management to serve the community in better way. Yours faithfully, Mansi Singh
Dear Sir or Madam,

This letter is a formal complaint
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
explicit discontent towards the Railway Department for the train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
delay
at the one of the local stations in Pune Junction.

As a starting point, I had traveled on 12th
When specifying a month and year, the comma is unnecessary: "October 2019".
October, 2019
from Pune to Mumbai on a journey for three hours to appear in the final round of an interview. Unfortunately, there was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
conflict among the staff and the management at the time of a departure.
In addition
, in a span of few minutes the staff went on strike and threatened to halt the services for the day.
Ultimately
, the station was jam-packed and it took almost four hours to resolve the matter. Nonetheless, the entire journey costed me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
delay
of seven hours and I could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
at the interview at the stipulated time.

Apparently
, I was one of the two shortlisted candidates who made till the final round of the interview. To my surprise, the other candidate
was selected
for the job offer and despite making the Human Resources understand the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
situation I was through due to the train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
delay
, I had to return empty hand. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this, that I lost the job profile in a renowned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
,
however
, my name was
also
registered in their records under the defaulter history.

I am completely disgruntled and agonized as the train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
delay
has ruined my career and I had lost the opportunity to work for one of the most listed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in the world. I feel all those who
were involved
in the strike
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be penalized
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they understand their responsibilities and value time.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am enclosing a copy of the letter to the Railway Ministry and along with this, the entire scenario will
be published
on the social media site for the public awareness.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
hope this letter will awaken the staff and the management to serve the community in better way.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Mansi
Singh
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS letter You want to appear for an interview to an another city by train. The train departed late from the station and you could not reach in time. Write a letter to the railway officer of your city. In your letter. When you traveled and why the train departed late. v. 2

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
326 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts