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You recently met the manager of a new company that started in your city. After the meeting, the manager wrote you a letter offering a job at this company. However, you cannot accept the job offer. v.3

You recently met the manager of a new company that started in your city. After the meeting, the manager wrote you a letter offering a job at this company. However, you cannot accept the job offer. v. 3
Dear Mr Alex, Hope you are doing great. I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation during our meeting and would like to thank you for a fabulous lunch. I am so honoured to be offered a job at your company. However, I cannot accept it right now. I am really fortunate that you have offered me the position of “Design Engineer” in the Biomedical Device Manufacturing company that you have recently started in our city. But unfortunately, I am in a situation to deny this offer because of the contract I have with my current employer. I am quite happy with the remuneration, working environment and facilities I get from my current job and have no plan to change my job now. Though I cannot be a part of your new team, I could suggest one of my friends - Ruhan Chowdhury,   who is a passionate Engineer and is currently seeking a job opportunity. After hearing from you, I can ask him to meet you personally for an interview to discuss his credentials. He is a talented individual and I believe he would add value to your company. I regret not accepting this offer but I hope once my contract is over, I would be privileged to work for your company and thank you for the offer. Looking forward to receiving your reply soon. Yours faithfully, S. Nivetha
Dear Mr Alex,

Hope you are doing great. I
thoroughly
enjoyed our conversation during our meeting and would like to thank you for a fabulous lunch. I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Possible spelling mistake. 'honoured' is British English.
honoured
to
be offered
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
at your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
However
, I cannot accept it right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

I am
really
fortunate that you have offered me the position of “Design Engineer” in the Biomedical Device Manufacturing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that you have recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
in our city.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
unfortunately, I am in a situation to deny this offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the contract I have with my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
employer. I am quite happy with the remuneration, working environment and facilities I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and have no plan to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

Though I cannot be a part of your new team, I could suggest one of my friends
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ruhan
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chowdhury
,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
who is a passionate Engineer and is
currently
seeking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunity. After hearing from you, I can ask him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
you
personally
for an interview to discuss his credentials. He is a talented individual and I believe he would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
value to your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

I regret not accepting this offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I hope once my contract is over, I would
be privileged
to work for your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and thank you for the offer.

Looking forward to receiving your reply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
faithfully
,

S.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nivetha
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS letter You recently met the manager of a new company that started in your city. After the meeting, the manager wrote you a letter offering a job at this company. However, you cannot accept the job offer. v. 3

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
226 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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