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You recently became a member of your local leisure centre but you are unhappy with the services and facilities. Write a letter to the Centre Manager. In your letter: •explain the circumstances•say why you are dissatisfied•what action you would like t v.1

You recently became a member of your local leisure centre but you are unhappy with the services and facilities. Write a letter to the Centre Manager. In your letter: •explain the circumstances•say why you are dissatisfied•what action you would like t v. 1
Dear Mr. Smith, I joined your club a couple of weeks ago, and I am writing to express my dissatisfaction regarding the poor quality of some of the facilities you provided. First of all, as two out of five treadmills in the gym are out of order, I have to wait a long time to use one of them. The situation is even worse at peak times so that most members prefer changing their exercise routine rather than wasting time waiting for busy equipment. Another problem is that the cloakroom is in poor safety condition as most of the lockers have been broken. Lastly, the restrooms are not cleaned and properly maintained, so this may cause serious health issues for club members. I expect you to have more supervision over the maintenance of equipment and facilities in a way that we can utilize them properly. Please also ask your staff to clean the restrooms on a regular basis. Thanks for your attention to this matter. Yours sincerely, Ensieh Parsaeian
Dear Mr. Smith,

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
your club a couple of weeks ago, and I am writing to express my dissatisfaction regarding the poor quality of
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
facilities you provided.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, as two out of five treadmills in the gym are out of order, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait a long time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
one of them. The situation is even worse at peak times
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that most members prefer changing their exercise routine
rather
than wasting time waiting for busy equipment. Another problem is that the cloakroom is in poor safety condition as most of the lockers have
been broken
.
Lastly
, the restrooms are not cleaned and
properly
maintained,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this may cause serious health issues for club members.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
you to have more supervision over the maintenance of equipment and facilities in a way that we can utilize them
properly
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
also
ask your staff to clean the restrooms on a regular basis.

Thanks for your attention to this matter.

Yours
sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Ensieh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Parsaeian
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS letter You recently became a member of your local leisure centre but you are unhappy with the services and facilities. Write a letter to the Centre Manager. In your letter: •explain the circumstances•say why you are dissatisfied•what action you would like t v. 1

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
168 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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