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You have an extra room in your apartment and would like to rent it out to a student. v.4

You have an extra room in your apartment and would like to rent it out to a student. v. 4
I am writing to publish an advertisement in your newspaper's classified section. I am interested in renting out a room to a tenant, preferably a student, and would like you to publish the advert on 24th and 25th May in your daily newspaper. The room I intend to rent out is fully furnished, currently vacant and comes with an attached bathroom and a balcony. The apartment is on the 4th floor, approximately 185 square feet and is located on the Raspberry street. The rent per month would be $580 including the utility bills. The occupant of the room would be free to use the kitchen and the common room and can move into the apartment at the beginning of June. I would like to rent it out to a university student who is a non-smoker, would have less frequent visitors and like to live quietly. If this is not possible, I can rent it out to a service holder but he or she has to be single and fulfil other criteria. A deposit of two months has to be made and I must mention that I can not assure a car parking in the garage. As I have mentioned, I would like to have the advert published in your newspaper's classified section on 24th and 25th May. I have written the exact text of the advertisement in a separate paper and it does not exceed the word limit of 200. Please publish it on a 4X6 inch box with general format and text. I would be ready to pay once you approve the advert to be published. I can pay using my credit card or send you an account payable check. Thank you in advance for your cooperation. Yours faithfully, Tesla Johnson
I am writing to publish an advertisement in your newspaper's classified section. I
am interested
in renting out a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
to a tenant,
preferably
a student, and would like you to publish the advert on 24th and 25th May in your daily newspaper.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
I intend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rent
out is
fully
furnished,
currently
vacant and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with an attached bathroom and a balcony. The apartment is on the 4th floor, approximately
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
185 square feet
and
is located
on the Raspberry street.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rent
per month would be $580 including the utility bills.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
occupant of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
would be free to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the kitchen and the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into the apartment at the beginning of June.

I would like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rent
it out to a university student who is a non-smoker, would have less frequent visitors and like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
quietly
. If this is not possible, I can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rent
it out to a service holder
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he or she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be single and fulfil other criteria. A deposit of two months
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be made
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
mention that I can not assure a car parking in the garage.

As I have mentioned, I would like to have the advert published in your newspaper's classified section on 24th and 25th May. I have written the exact text of the advertisement in a separate paper and it does not exceed the word limit of 200.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
publish it on a
Replace by the typographical symbol.
4X6
inch box with general format and text. I would be ready to pay once you approve the advert to
be published
. I can pay using my credit card or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
you an account payable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation.

Yours
faithfully
,

Tesla Johnson
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS letter You have an extra room in your apartment and would like to rent it out to a student. v. 4

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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