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One of your friends has asked you to be a partner in his/her new business. v.1

One of your friends has asked you to be a partner in his/her new business. v. 1
It is a pleasure to be in touch with you after a long. I hope you are doing well. I am so excited to hear that you are finally pursuing a dream you have had for a long - owing and running your own business. My best wishes will always be with you. Your idea to start a motorbike showroom in Ghansoli is quite excellent and timely. This area does not have such showrooms and I have seen many people travelling 30 to 40 km to buy a motorcycle. They also visit the nearby town to get motorbike parts. Your business will tap into this market and I am quite positive would be a success. I believe opening a motorcycle showroom in Ghansoli is a very good idea and you can expect good returns on investment. Thanks for asking me to join you as a partner, but I am afraid I have to decline. I have my reason for this decision, and I have taken adequate time to determine it. I will be staying in Canada for a year to manage a sales team. This is a good career opportunity, and I cannot leave it as it is a one-time offer. Moreover, all the arrangements have already been made and cancelling it would hurt my career progress. I wish you good luck with your new venture and look forward to meeting you soon. Warm regards, Holmes
It is a pleasure to be in touch with you after a long. I hope you are doing well. I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
excited to hear that you are
finally
pursuing a dream you have had for a long
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
owing and running your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business. My best wishes will always be with you.

Your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
a motorbike showroom in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ghansoli
is quite excellent and timely. This area does not have such showrooms and I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
travelling 30 to 40 km to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a motorcycle. They
also
visit the nearby town to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
motorbike parts. Your business will tap into this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
market and
I am quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
would be a success.

I believe opening a motorcycle showroom in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ghansoli
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
returns on investment. Thanks for asking me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
you as a partner,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I am afraid I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
decline. I have my reason for this decision, and I have taken adequate time to determine it. I will be staying in Canada for a year to manage a sales team. This is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
career opportunity, and I cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
it as it is a one-time offer.
Moreover
, all the arrangements have already
been made
and cancelling it would hurt my career progress.

I wish you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
luck with your new venture and look forward to meeting you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Warm regards,

Holmes
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS letter One of your friends has asked you to be a partner in his/her new business. v. 1

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
235 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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