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You brought a Mobile Phone a week ago but when you got home you discovered it did not work property. you called customer service to report the problem but you have not received any help. Write a letter to a company and in your letter: - Introduce yourself- v.2

You brought a Mobile Phone a week ago but when you got home you discovered it did not work property. you called customer service to report the problem but you have not received any help. Write a letter to a company and in your letter: - Introduce yourself- v. 2
Dear sir, I am writing this letter to report a faulty mobile phone that I purchased from your online portal on Sunday last weekend. This time I am really disappointed with the product that you have provided to me. I have been a loyal customer of your company since many years and I have made successful purchases from your online portal and official store from my town. On Sunday, 17th September, I visited your online portal to purchase a smart phone. I had brought Samsung S10 phone which has a purchase order no: 48HLABCD. On purchasing this phone, I was assured that this was a latest model and best there was to purchase. However, when I got home, I discovered that not only the front camera is not proper functioning but also there are few scratches on the back side of phone. When I tried to click pictures from front camera, the quality of pictures was not as good as promised, in fact it was quite blurry. Furthermore, I immediately contact your customer care department on Tuesday and they assured me that my cellphone would be replaced or fixed within two days. However, I am really disappointed to inform you that this has not happened till now and I have not received any further communication since then. Lastly, I am exceedingly displeased with both the quality of product I purchased from your company but also with poor after sale services that you have provided me this time. I hope this problem will be resolved promptly. I expected to receive a replacement of my cell phone or refund of my purchased price in full. I look forward to hearing back from you immediately. Yours faithfully, Milan Desai
Dear sir,

I am writing this letter to report a faulty mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
from your online portal on Sunday last weekend. This time I am
really
disappointed with the product that you have provided to me.

I have been a loyal customer of your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years and I have made successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchases
from your online portal and official store from my town. On
Did you mean to refer to the current year? 17th September 2020 is not a Sunday, but a Thursday.
Sunday, 17th September
, I visited your online portal to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
a smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
. I had brought Samsung S10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
which has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
order no: 48HLABCD. On purchasing this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, I
was assured
that this was
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
latest model and best there was to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
.
However
, when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
home, I discovered that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the front camera is not proper functioning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
there are few scratches on the back side of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
. When I tried to click pictures from front camera, the quality of pictures was not as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as promised, in fact it was quite blurry.

Furthermore
, I immediately contact your customer care department on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Tuesday and
they assured me that my cellphone would
be replaced
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
within two days.
However
, I am
really
disappointed to inform you that this has not happened till
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and I have not received any
further
communication since then.

Lastly
, I am
exceedingly
displeased with both the quality of product I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
from your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
with poor after sale services that you have provided me this time. I hope this problem will
be resolved
promptly
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to receive a replacement of my cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
or refund of my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
price in full.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
look forward to hearing back from you immediately.

Yours
faithfully
,

Milan
Possible spelling mistake found.
Desai
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS letter You brought a Mobile Phone a week ago but when you got home you discovered it did not work property. you called customer service to report the problem but you have not received any help. Write a letter to a company and in your letter: - Introduce yourself- v. 2

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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