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You are looking for a part-time job. Write a letter to an employment agency. v.2

You are looking for a part-time job. Write a letter to an employment agency. v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, I am Sebastian Holmes, looking for a part-time job in a graphics designing company and would like you to forward my CV to suitable companies. I have recently finished my high school diploma and would like to gain some professional experience. One of my high school friends, who recently managed a job through your agency, has recommended me your agency. I have a graphics design diploma certificate and experience in designing website mockups. I am passionate about designing websites, banner, advertisements, landing pages and logo and looking forward to working for a company that works in the web designing industry. Since experience and not the remuneration is my priority, I would like to work for a renowned company that solely work on the web and graphics designing industry with some credible portfolio. I will get admitted to a college in a month or two and that is why a flexible office time is another aspect I am looking for. I hope you would have a look at my CV, that I am also sending you in the same envelope, and help me find a suitable job that I am so eagerly looking forward to having. Yours faithfully, Sebastian Holmes
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am Sebastian Holmes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looking
for a part-time job in a graphics designing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and would like you to forward my CV to suitable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

I have recently finished my high school diploma and would like to gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professional experience. One of my high school friends, who recently managed a job through your agency, has recommended me your agency. I have a graphics design diploma certificate and experience in designing website
Possible spelling mistake found.
mockups
. I am passionate about designing websites, banner, advertisements, landing pages and logo and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looking
forward to working for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that works in the web designing industry.

Since experience and not the remuneration is my priority, I would like to work for a renowned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
that
solely
work on the web and graphics designing industry with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
credible portfolio. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admitted to a college in a month or two and
that is
why a flexible office time is another aspect I am
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looking
for.

I hope you would have a look at my CV, that I am
also
sending you in the same envelope, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me find a suitable job that I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
eagerly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looking
forward to having.

Yours
faithfully
,

Sebastian Holmes
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS letter You are looking for a part-time job. Write a letter to an employment agency. v. 2

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
202 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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