Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to express my interest to get registered to your employment agency as I am looking for a suitable part-time job. I am hoping you would enlist me in your database and notify me of suitable job announcements and forward my resume to prospective employers.
I am Hansen Lee, an international student at the University of Westminster and my major is Business Administration. I am originally from Japan and will be staying in London for the next couple of years. To support my education cost and to gain some job experience, I am seeking a suitable part-time position.
I can work as an administrative assistant, customer experience manager or as a salesperson in a retail shop. I can spare time from 4. 30 pm onwards on weekdays and full-time on weekends.
I have previously worked as a customer support officer in a call centre in Japan and as a sales executive in a superstore in London. I have attached my Curriculum Vitae with this letter for your kind consideration which further details my education and work experience.
I look forward to hearing from you with the details process to register with your job agency. Thank you in advance.
Yours faithfully,
Hansen Lee
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to express my interest to  
get
 registered to your employment agency as I am looking for a suitable part-time  
job
. I am hoping you would enlist me in your database and notify me of suitable  
job
 announcements and forward my resume to prospective employers. 
I
 am Hansen Lee, an international student at the University of Westminster and my major is Business Administration.  
I
 am  
originally
 from Japan and will be staying in London for the  
next
 couple of years. To support my education cost and to gain  
some
  job
 experience, I am seeking a suitable part-time position.
I can work as an administrative assistant, customer experience manager or as a salesperson in a retail shop. I can spare time from 4. 30 pm onwards on weekdays and full-time on weekends.
I have previously worked as a customer support officer in a call  
centre
 in Japan and as a sales executive in a superstore in London. I have attached my Curriculum Vitae with this letter for your kind consideration which  
further
  details
 my education and work experience. 
I
 look forward to hearing from you with the  
details
 process to register with your  
job
 agency. Thank you in advance.
Yours  
faithfully
,
Hansen Lee
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes