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You are looking for a full-time job, and recently you saw a job opening in an advertisement. v.3

You are looking for a full-time job, and recently you saw a job opening in an advertisement. v. 3
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to apply for the assistant manager post in your Hotel - The Adventure Inn, that you have advertised in a local newspaper recently. I would really appreciate if you could spare some of your precious time to further discuss my candidacy in a formal interview. I would like to work as an assistant manager that would enable me to work closely with the hotel staffs and with the management. This way, I would be able to best serve my position on the one hand and learn valuable experience on the other hand. I have completed my graduation from City University in 2017 and my major was Tourism and Hospitality. Afterwards, I have worked for two four-star hotels and my current job as an assistant manager at the Gilbert hotel makes me a suitable candidate for the post. I do not see enough career growth opportunity with my current employer and that's why would like to switch my job. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Should you need any further details, please do not hesitate to call me. Yours sincerely, Paul Jenkins
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply for the assistant manager post in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hotel
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
The Adventure Inn, that you have advertised in a local newspaper recently. I would
really
appreciate if you could spare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of your precious time to
further
discuss my candidacy in a formal interview.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
would like to work as an assistant manager that would enable me to work
closely
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hotel
staffs and with the management. This way, I would be able to best serve my position on the one hand and learn valuable experience
on the other hand
.

I have completed my graduation from City University in 2017 and my major was Tourism and Hospitality. Afterwards, I have worked for two four-star
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hotels
and my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
job as an assistant manager at the Gilbert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hotel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
me a suitable candidate for the post. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
career growth opportunity with my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
employer and that's why would like to switch my job.

I look forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. Should you need any
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
do not hesitate to call me.

Yours
sincerely
,

Paul Jenkins
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS letter You are looking for a full-time job, and recently you saw a job opening in an advertisement. v. 3

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
189 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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