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You are going on a short training course at a college in Greenmount, Northern Ireland. You need somewhere to live while you are there. v.2

You are going on a short training course at a college in Greenmount, Northern Ireland. You need somewhere to live while you are there. v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to inquire about the accommodation facilities available for the course seekers at your college. I am Alex Jones, an applicant of the forthcoming training course on "Time Management in Professional Environment to Boost Performance", at your college. I am hoping that you would kindly arrange suitable accommodation for me. I am currently employed in Southern Ireland, as a Chartered Accountant in a multinational accounting firm. As you already know, the course I am interested in would commence at the beginning of July at Greenmount, Northern Ireland, a location far away from the city where I live. I would like to take the privilege of describing my accommodation needs. First of all, I am expecting a small flat or at least a room for me. Secondly, I would like to dwell in a calm and quiet environment, as the tranquillity of the workplace is important to me. Lastly, I would be glad to stay close to the course venue, so as to save time. I plan to arrive on 27th of this month and hence would request you to finalise my flat or room before I arrive. I will stay at this place as long as I have my training course, possibly till September. Yours faithfully, James Smith
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to inquire about the accommodation facilities available for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
seekers at your college. I am Alex Jones, an applicant of the forthcoming training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
on
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Time Management in Professional Environment to Boost Performance
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, at your college.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am hoping that you would kindly arrange suitable accommodation for me.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am
currently
employed in Southern Ireland, as a Chartered Accountant in a multinational accounting firm. As you already know, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
I
am interested
in would commence at the beginning of July at
Possible spelling mistake found.
Greenmount
, Northern Ireland, a location far away from the city where I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

I would like to take the privilege of describing my accommodation needs.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I am expecting a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
flat or at least a room for me.
Secondly
, I would like to dwell in a calm and quiet environment, as the
Possible spelling mistake found.
tranquillity
of the workplace is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to me.
Lastly
, I would be glad to stay close to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
venue,
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
save time.

I plan to arrive on 27th of this month and
hence
would request you to
Possible spelling mistake. 'finalise' is British English.
finalise
my flat or room
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
I arrive. I will stay at this place as long as I have my training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
,
possibly
till September.

Yours
faithfully
,

James Smith
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS letter You are going on a short training course at a college in Greenmount, Northern Ireland. You need somewhere to live while you are there. v. 2

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
213 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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