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write a letter to the manager of the theater of an accident that happened to your friend. how it happened, how you were helped, what do you want them to do to prevent it v.1

write a letter to the manager of the theater of an accident that happened to your friend. how it happened, how you were helped, what do you want them to do to prevent it v. 1
Dear Sir/ Madam, I am writing with respect to the unfortunate event my friend went through in your theater yesterday. We were so delighted to see a new play at your theater on 13th of August at 9: 00 pm that we came one hour before the starting time. As we were strolling about the theater and eating popcorn and finishing them before time, we decided to go and sit on our allotted seats. Therefore, we entered the theater and started ascending the staircase. We could see that there were no railings at the edge of steps, so we were extra cautious about our steps. However, there were minimal light in the hall, so we could not see that there were water all over the floor and in a blink of an eye, my friends slipped her foot and had a severe sprain in her foot, as a consequence a tried to find a chair for her to take rest, but all chairs were fixed to the floor. First and foremost, I want you to take strict action against cleaning department to check the vicinity on a regular basis to identify and correct any such anomalies. Secondly, you should install a boundary at the edge a stairs, because the older people are prone to lose their balance and can fall over their neck. Thirdly, the extra move-able chairs should be placed in the hall for people who fall sick in a nick of the time and want to take rest a bit. I hope you will take corrective actions ASAP for the safety of your audience and to prevent any penalties against you. Yours faithfully, SAIRA
Dear Sir/ Madam,

I am writing with respect to the unfortunate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
my friend went through in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theater
yesterday.

We were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
delighted to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a new play at your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theater
on 13th of August at 9: 00 pm that we came one hour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the starting time. As we were strolling about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theater
and eating popcorn and finishing them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
time, we decided to go and sit on our allotted seats.
Therefore
, we entered the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
theater
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
ascending the staircase. We could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that there were no railings at the edge of steps,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we were extra cautious about our steps.
However
, there were minimal light in the hall,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that there were water all over the floor and in a blink of an eye, my friends slipped her foot and had a severe sprain in her foot, as a consequence a tried to find a chair for her to take rest,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
all chairs were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
to the floor.

First
and foremost, I want you to take strict action against cleaning department to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the vicinity on a regular basis to identify and correct any such anomalies.
Secondly
, you should install a boundary at the edge
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a stair" or simply "stairs"?
a stairs
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are prone to lose their balance and can fall over their neck.
Thirdly
, the extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
-able chairs should
be placed
in the hall for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who fall sick in a nick of the time and want to take rest a bit.

I hope you will take corrective actions ASAP for the safety of your audience and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
any penalties against you.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
SAIRA
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS letter write a letter to the manager of the theater of an accident that happened to your friend. how it happened, how you were helped, what do you want them to do to prevent it v. 1

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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