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There is a group of people in your community that needs help. Write a letter to your company director and say– Describe this group. – What kind of help do they need? – How will this group and the community benefit from it? v.2

There is a group of people in your community that needs help. Write a letter to your company director and say– Describe this group. – What kind of help do they need? – How will this group and the community benefit from it? v. 2
Dear sir, I am writing to you to suggest a group of people from within our community, that are in need of help, as recepients of our annual community welfare funds. Allow me to elaborate. As you already know, our city welcomed 10000 Indonesians who were affected by the Tsunamis of last year, and these people are living in the outskrits of our city in dire poverty. Their kids have no access to schooling and education because the state run schools only allow citizen kids and private schools are way too expensive. Although there are some humanitarian groups that are providing them nutritious food on a daily basis, there is not a single organization that is helping their kids get education, which is what they need most at this time to make sure their kids have a better future. Thus, I reckon that we must organize monthly workshops in which we teach their kids STEM: Science, Technology, Engineering and Math fields and also some basic coding and computer programming skills so that they can find tech jobs in the future. This will not only benefit them but also strengthen our community as well by adding more skilled workers in the job market. Thanks, Truly, Jason
Dear sir,

I am writing to you to suggest a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from within our community, that are in need of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, as
Possible spelling mistake found.
recepients
of our annual community welfare funds.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Allow
me to elaborate.

As you already know, our city welcomed 10000 Indonesians who were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the Tsunamis of last year, and these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are living in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
outskrits
of our city in dire poverty. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
have no access to schooling and education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the state run schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
citizen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
and private schools are way too expensive. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
humanitarian groups that are providing them nutritious food on a daily basis, there is not a single organization
that is
helping their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
education, which is what they need most at this time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
have a better future.

Thus
, I reckon that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
organize monthly workshops in which we teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
STEM: Science, Technology, Engineering and Math fields and
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
basic coding and computer programming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can find tech jobs in the future. This will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefit them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
strengthen our community
as well
by adding more skilled workers in the job market.

Thanks,

Truly
,

Jason
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS letter There is a group of people in your community that needs help. Write a letter to your company director and say– Describe this group. – What kind of help do they need? – How will this group and the community benefit from it? v. 2

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
204 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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