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You would like a temporary job working in a summer camp which runs sports and outdoor activities for children and young people next summer Write a letter to the organizers of the summer camp In your letter Explain what sort of job you would like to do Des v.2

You would like a temporary job working in a summer camp which runs sports and outdoor activities for children and young people next summer Write a letter to the organizers of the summer camp In your letter Explain what sort of job you would like to do Des v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, My name is John Paul and I am writing this letter to express my interest to work with you at your summer camp. Being having an energetic personality, I can utilize my knowledge of outdoor activities to a large extent. I am interested in doing job at your campus. I would find myself suitable for outdoor activities particularly Gardening and Mud Sculpturing that are mentioned as part of outdoor activities. I can teach young children regarding these activities effectively. Therefore, I want to apply as a trainer for your outdoor activity session. I am an enthusiastic person who can easily entertain children and youngsters; also, I have the patience to work in scorching summers because I believe that it is important for our young generation to learn other than academics, such as sports and DIY. It is pertinent to mention here that I did a six months course in Gardening and mud modeling. Moreover, I have done part-time job in The Little Angel School, Gojra where I taught classes of mud modeling and flowers species. My experience and knowledge would supplement me to perform my job at you summer camp efficiently. I look forward to receiving your response regarding my interest in the job. Yours faithfully, John Paul.
Dear Sir or Madam,

My name is John
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Paul and
I am writing this letter to express my interest to work with you at your summer camp. Being having an energetic personality, I can utilize my knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to a large extent.

I
am interested
in doing job at your campus. I would find myself suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
particularly
Gardening and Mud Sculpturing that
are mentioned
as part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
can teach young children regarding these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
effectively
.
Therefore
, I want to apply as a trainer for your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
session.

I am an enthusiastic person who can
easily
entertain children and youngsters;
also
, I have the patience to work in scorching summers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I believe that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for our young generation to learn other than academics, such as sports and DIY.

It is pertinent to mention here that I did a six months course in Gardening and mud modeling.
Moreover
, I have done part-time job in The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Little
Angel School,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gojra
where I taught classes of mud modeling and flowers species. My experience and knowledge would supplement me to perform my job at you summer camp
efficiently
.

I look forward to receiving your response regarding my interest in the job.

Yours
faithfully
,

John Paul.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS letter You would like a temporary job working in a summer camp which runs sports and outdoor activities for children and young people next summer Write a letter to the organizers of the summer camp In your letter Explain what sort of job you would like to do Des v. 2

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
212 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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