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The office where you work does not have a proper car park. Write a letter to your manager and say– Explain the problem of no parking space available. – Suggest a solution for the car park problem. – Explain how this will help your company. v.2

The office where you work does not have a proper car park. Write a letter to your manager and say– Explain the problem of no parking space available. – Suggest a solution for the car park problem. – Explain how this will help your company. v. 2
Dear Sir, I would like to outline an area that is causing inconvenience to a large group of our employees, which has come to light in our recent staff survey. Please allow me to elaborate. While all the employees rated our infrastructure to be the best in business, a considerable amount of employees, almost 70% of them, expressed their dissatisfaction with the parking area. You see, when our office shifted to this new building 3 years back, there were only 200 employees, and the 250 parking spots were sufficient for staff and visitors. But with the company' s expansion last year, as you already know, we now have 300 employees working for us. As a result, there are not enough parking lots for all our staff members since 270 out of 300 commute to work in their own cars, and thus some employees are forced to park their cars outside of the office area, which leaves their vehicles vulnerable to thieves and robbers. Thus, I reckon that we rent the empty space adjacent to our office, which is open for lease, and use it as a parking area. If we fulfill our employee' s demand by providing them with the parking spots they need, then it will raise our over all employee satisfaction index by a huge margin, which can help us secure a position in Forbe' s top 100 best places to work. Thanks and looking forward to see the new implementation as soon as possible, Truly, Alexa
Dear Sir,

I would like to outline an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
that is
causing inconvenience to a large group of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to light in our recent staff survey.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me to elaborate.

While all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
rated our infrastructure to be the best in business, a considerable amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, almost 70% of them, expressed their dissatisfaction with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
. You
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, when our office shifted to this new building 3 years back, there were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
200
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, and the 250
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parking
spots were sufficient for staff and visitors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
with the
Possible spelling mistake found.
company&
#039; s expansion last year, as you already know, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have 300
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
working for us.
As a result
, there are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parking
lots for all our staff members since 270 out of 300
Possible agreement error. The noun 'commute' seems to be countable, so consider using: "commutes".
commute
to work in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cars, and
thus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are forced
to park their cars
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
their vehicles vulnerable to thieves and robbers.

Thus
, I reckon that we rent the empty space adjacent to our office, which is open for lease, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
. If we fulfill our
Possible spelling mistake found.
employee&
#039; s demand by providing them with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parking
spots they need, then it will raise our over all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
satisfaction index by a huge margin, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us secure a position in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Forbe&
#039; s top 100 best places to work.

Thanks and looking forward to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the new implementation as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible,

Truly
,

Alexa
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS letter The office where you work does not have a proper car park. Write a letter to your manager and say– Explain the problem of no parking space available. – Suggest a solution for the car park problem. – Explain how this will help your company. v. 2

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
248 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • The office where you work does not have a proper car park. Write a letter to your manager and say– Explain the problem of no parking space available. – Suggest a solution for the car park problem. – Explain how this will help your company. v.2