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The environment is one of the most important issues in the world today, but governments are not doing enough about it. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

The environment is one of the most important issues in the world today, but governments are not doing enough about it. v. 2
First and foremost, it is often claimed that every of the living creature needs clean and peaceful environment to exist. For example, destruction of nature such as deforestation, cattle farming or burning coal and gas have extremely bad impact on our environment. So many new diseases have occurred since the time of the industrial revolution. Plenty of species disappeared from our planet for good. Moreover, people are creating enormous amount of trash every year and the number of living folks on the world is not decreasing but extremely growing up. Besides I think governments of the countries are more focus on their own local problems and they forget that we are all responsible for our planet. By destroying our natural environment, we will not be able to exist on the planet any longer. Luckily, there are some practical solutions that can be applied to reduce the problem of global warming and reduce transmission of harmful gases like carbon dioxide causing a green house effects. For instance, planting of trees, use of non-conventional fuel and solar energy, which can significantly help to reduce global temperature. Planting trees will improve the level of oxygen and will cause decrease in harmful gases as trees intake carbon dioxide as a major component of their food. Besides, I believe than governments must encourage people to think of our planet and be more responsibility the environment. From the arguments I have presented above it can be seen that both arguments definitively have their supporters and opponents. It is my view though that only when governments all countries with their people start working together, we can save our planet and have positive impact on our environment.
First
and foremost, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
claimed that every of the living creature needs clean and peaceful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
to exist.
For example
, destruction of nature such as deforestation, cattle farming or burning coal and gas have
extremely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new diseases have occurred since the time of the industrial revolution.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Plenty
of species disappeared from our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are creating enormous amount of trash every year and the number of living folks on the world is not decreasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
extremely
growing up.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Besides
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
of the countries are more focus on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
local
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
problems and
they forget that we are all responsible for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
. By destroying our natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, we will not be able to exist on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
any longer.

Luckily, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical solutions that can
be applied
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the problem of global warming and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
transmission of harmful gases like carbon dioxide causing a green
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
effects.
For instance
, planting of trees,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of non-conventional fuel and solar energy, which can
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
global temperature. Planting trees will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the level of oxygen and will cause decrease in harmful gases as trees intake carbon dioxide as a major component of their food.
Besides
, I believe than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
and be more responsibility the environment.

From the arguments I have presented above it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that both arguments
definitively
have their supporters and opponents. It is my view though that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
all countries with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working together, we can save our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planet
and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS letter The environment is one of the most important issues in the world today, but governments are not doing enough about it. v. 2

Letter
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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