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The chart shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013. v.2

The chart shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013. v. 2
The bar graph illustrates that the portion of people from USA ate at fast food restaurants from 2003 to 2013. It can be seen from the graphs that most of the people ate fast food once in a week or once in a month in the given time frame. In 2013, almost one-third of the restaurant consumer ate at fast food joins at once or twice in a month, while in 2006 almost 33% of people ate once in a week. Similarly, approximately 31% people ate once in week in 2006. In contrast, everyday eater at fast food joins were very less, near about 2. 5% of the restaurant consumer through the given period. However, there are few people, roughly 5%, never consume any fast food. The 15% of consumers in 2006 and 2013 ate at least few time in a year, while near about 12% customer ate fast food in 2003. Interestingly, the one fifth of the consumer ate fast food several time a week in 2006.
The bar graph illustrates that the portion of
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people
A determiner is probably missing here: "from the USA".
from USA
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ate
at
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fast
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food
restaurants from 2003 to 2013. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graphs that most of the
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
once
in a
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week
or
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once
in a month in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time frame.

In 2013, almost one-third of the restaurant
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consumer
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ate
at
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fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joins
at
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once
or twice in a month, while in 2006 almost 33% of
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
once
in a
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week
.
Similarly
, approximately 31%
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
once
in
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week
in 2006.

In contrast
, everyday eater at
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fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joins
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
less, near about 2. 5% of the restaurant
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consumer
through the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period.
However
, there are few
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people
, roughly 5%, never consume any
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fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. The 15% of
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consumers
in 2006 and 2013
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ate
at least
Possible agreement error. The noun time seems to be countable; consider using: "few times".
few time
in a year, while near about 12% customer
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ate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in 2003.
Interestingly
, the one fifth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
several time a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
in 2006.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS letter The chart shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013. v. 2

Letter
  American English
3 paragraphs
168 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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