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During a recent plane journey, you sat next to a businessman who owns a chain of restaurants. You talked to him and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants. v.2

During a recent plane journey, you sat next to a businessman who owns a chain of restaurants. You talked to him and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants. v. 2
Dear Mr Barron, I sat next to you on a flight from Brisbane to London on September 18th. You offered me your business card after hearing my enthusiasm to work in a restaurant. I am writing to remind you about a possible job that you offered me during our meeting on this very flight. It was very kind of you to advise me that I should contact you if I ever want to work in a restaurant. As I mentioned briefly during our delightful conversation, I used to work at a restaurant as an assistant manager and took a break from work to complete my Master's degree. Now that I am willing to work again, I would like you to consider me as a potential employee in one of your restaurants in Australia - perhaps as an assistant manager. I have worked as an assistant manager in a reputed restaurant in Melbourne for about 3 years and before that, I was in charge of the customer care department in a retail shop. I have completed a course in hotel management from one of the top management schools in Australia. Moreover, I have good exposure in Front Desk Management. I am positive my skills and expertise will definitely be an asset to your organisation. If you have further queries or need any information, please contact me at the email address or phone number provided on my Curriculum Vitae. Yours sincerely, Robert Caldwell
Dear Mr Barron,

I sat
next
to you on a flight from Brisbane to London on September 18th. You offered me your business card after hearing my enthusiasm to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
. I am writing to remind you about a possible job that you offered me during our meeting on this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
flight.

It was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
kind of you to advise me that I should contact you if I ever want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
. As I mentioned
briefly
during our delightful conversation, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
as an assistant manager and took a break from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to complete my Master's degree.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
that I am willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
again, I would like you to consider me as a potential employee in one of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
in Australia
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
perhaps as an assistant manager.

I have worked as an assistant manager in a reputed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
in Melbourne for about 3 years and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
that, I was in charge of the customer care department in a retail shop. I have completed a course in hotel management from one of the top management schools in Australia.
Moreover
, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
exposure in Front Desk Management. I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and expertise will definitely be an asset to your
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.

If you have
further
queries or need any information,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
contact me at the email address or phone number provided on my Curriculum Vitae.

Yours
sincerely
,

Robert Caldwell
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS letter During a recent plane journey, you sat next to a businessman who owns a chain of restaurants. You talked to him and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants. v. 2

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
240 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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