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The bar charts below show how often people in three age groups did various different evening activities in 1980 and 2010. v.2

The bar charts below show how often people in three age groups did various different evening activities in 1980 and 2010. v. 2
the bar charts give the information on the different activities in the evening and the frequency of that one per month among various groups between 1980 and 2010. It can be clearly see that over 50 aged group spent most of their time for visiting family and friends while the online at home covered the least activity that people enjoyed Taking a closer look on the bar chart in 1980, the over 50 years group set aside for visiting family and friends for more than ten time a month which were more than other groups. At that moment, eating out was occupied at the second place. Moreover, eating out and visiting family and friends had the same patterns that people both lobed doing these activities. During that time, people from 26-50 years liked going to movies and shopping and they went there for more than two times and once per month respectively. Turning to 2010, it showed a different trend, the online at home became the most attractive activity in the evening. In addition, visiting family and friends were not popular during the period of 20 years and people usually did not do it.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
bar charts give the information on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in the evening and the frequency of that one per month among various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
between 1980 and 2010.

It can be
clearly
Consider using a past participle here: "seen".
see
that over 50 aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
spent most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
while the online at home covered the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoyed

Taking a closer look on the bar chart in 1980, the over 50 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
set aside for visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
for more than ten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
a month which were more than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
. At that moment, eating out
was occupied
at the second place.
Moreover
, eating out and visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
had the same patterns that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
both lobed doing these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. During that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from 26-50 years liked going to movies and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
shopping and
they went there for more than two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
and once per month
respectively
.

Turning to 2010, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
trend, the online at home became the most attractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
in the evening.
In addition
, visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
were not popular during the period of 20 years and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
did not do it.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
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IELTS letter The bar charts below show how often people in three age groups did various different evening activities in 1980 and 2010. v. 2

Letter
  American English
4 paragraphs
194 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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