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Some people warn that the era of silver screen is coming to an end and that people will eventually lose interest in going to the cinema. Do you agree or disagree with this view? v.2

Some people warn that the era of silver screen is coming to an end and that people will eventually lose interest in going to the cinema. with this view? v. 2
Watching latest movies at the cinema has always been considered as an important entertainment especially during winter where outdoor activities are very minimal. While some people think that in the near future the cinema will be closed since due to the advances in technology all films can be seen at home. I still believe that it should always be present since it has a big social impact. On the first hand, there are many reasons why screen sliver is coming to her end. Firstly, the easy accessibility for DVD, even the latest ones that you can find in any shop. In addition, recently we have noticed that you can put a surrounding system at your home so you will have the same impact as Cinema do. Secondly, you will have the option to move your Cinema at home and this is very convenient those days. In fact, due to the stressful condition of our daily life we don' t have enough time to seek the cinema. For instance, lots of friends would rather prefer to meet at home instead of going out to watch movies. On the other hand, I still believe that cinema should always be present for many factors. Starting with the direct effect that the cinema has on each person such as giant screen, lighting and sounds impacts which are not able to be done at home. In addition, we should also mention the quite environment that cinema offers whereas it couldn' t be seen at home due to family interventions. Moving on to another major effect the social behavior. Actually, when we go to the cinema we usually meet before or after to have lunch or dinner as a result, communication are better and people are very close to each other’s. For example, during weekend most of mall will be filled with people and this will impact positively on the society. To conclude, while it is true that watching movies at home is a new habit that is reflecting negatively on the silver screen. I agree, that its presence will be always important for social reasons and behavioral impacts.
Watching
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
movies at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
has always
been considered
as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
entertainment
especially
during winter where outdoor activities are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
minimal. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that in the near future the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
will
be closed
since due to the advances in technology all films can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
at home. I
still
believe that it should always be present since it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
social impact.

On the
first
hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why screen sliver is coming to her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.
Firstly
, the easy accessibility for DVD, even the latest ones that you can find in any shop.
In addition
, recently we have noticed that you can put a surrounding system at your home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
you will have the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cinema
do.
Secondly
, you will have the option to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cinema
at home and this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
convenient those days. In fact, due to the stressful condition of our daily life we
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to seek the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
.
For instance
, lots of friends would
rather
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
at home
instead
of going out to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies.

On the other hand
, I
still
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
should always be present for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors. Starting with the direct effect that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
has on each person such as giant screen, lighting and sounds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impacts
which are not able to
be done
at home.
In addition
, we should
also
mention the quite environment that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
offers whereas it
Possible spelling mistake found.
couldn&
#039; t be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
at home due to family interventions. Moving on to another major effect the social behavior. Actually, when we go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
we
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
or after to have lunch or dinner
as a result
, communication are better and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
close to each other’s.
For example
, during weekend
Consider using "most mall" or "most of the mall".
most of mall
will
be filled
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
positively
on the society.

To conclude
, while it is true that watching movies at home is a new habit
that is
reflecting
negatively
on the silver screen. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
, that its presence will be always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for social reasons and behavioral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impacts
.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS letter Some people warn that the era of silver screen is coming to an end and that people will eventually lose interest in going to the cinema. with this view? v. 2

Letter
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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