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Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously v.2

Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously v. 2
As globalization is going on and price of transportation to other country is going down, people tend to leave their country and move to large cities such as London, Vancouver, and New York. One of the reasons is to find a good place to live. However, people who move to new city may be discriminated by local people due to the language and cultural difference. Therefore, government needs to make some policy to ensure all the people to live harmoniously. Firstly, government can make some programs to encourage people from other country to adapt well in society. The example of this policy can be language or history program run by public or private institute. When people understand the history of the country, they feel more comfortable to understand difference of culture and it can help them to communicate local people. Secondly, world history should be mandatory on secondary school to make our children to respect foreigners. When we teach our children focusing on their own history, they may have prejudiced perspective to other country and cannot embrace difference of others. Teaching this difference to young children will ultimately contribute to make people live harmoniously. Lastly, government can give benefits on tax for those who immigrate to the country for a specific period. These economic benefits will make immigrants to take some time and spend their time to be more involved community works. In conclusion, these three policies can help foreigners to live harmoniously and they will make more balanced society.
As globalization is going on and price of transportation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is going down,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to large cities such as London, Vancouver, and New York. One of the reasons is to find a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to new city may
be discriminated
by local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to the language and cultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difference
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
policy to ensure all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
harmoniously
.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
programs to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to adapt well in society. The example of this policy can be language or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
program run by public or private institute. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, they feel more comfortable to understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difference
of culture and it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to communicate local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Secondly
, world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
should be mandatory on secondary school to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
our children to respect foreigners. When we teach our children focusing on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
, they may have prejudiced perspective to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and cannot embrace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difference
of others. Teaching this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difference
to young children will
ultimately
contribute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
harmoniously
.

Lastly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can give benefits on tax for those who immigrate to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for a specific period. These economic benefits will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
immigrants to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time and spend their time to be more involved community works.

In conclusion
, these three policies can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
foreigners to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
harmoniously and
they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
more balanced society.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS letter Nowadays many countries have very cosmopolitan cities with people from all over the world How can the government ensure that all these people can live together harmoniously v. 2

Letter
  American English
5 paragraphs
250 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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