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22/09/2017Write a letter to a friend to ask for his/her help to collect money for a charity organization. The letter needs to cover the following details. - why do you want to collect money for the charity organization? - Ask your friend to help- explain in v.2

22/09/2017Write a letter to a friend to ask for his/her help to collect money for a charity organization. The letter needs to cover the following details. - why do you want to collect money for the charity organization? - Ask your friend to help- explain in v. 2
Dear John, I am writing to ask you about a favor. As you know I am a volunteer in a charitable organization. Currently I work as a doctor in a poor country that is located on a Caribbean island. Recently a severe hurricane hit the region, and now when it moved north, the size of the damage has become apparent. A large number of buildings have been flattered or seriously damaged; the people lost almost all their possessions. This situation should be addressed. I decided to ask you to collect some money for my organization in order to help the region. I know that you have a big hearth and a huge number of acquaintances in business, admiration and educational institutions all of that makes you a perfect candidate for the job. Firstly, you have a large number of followers on your Facebook page and Instagram account, I would like to that you posted an open letter in which you would describe the essence of the problem and ask them to donate as much money as they could. Secondly, organizing a charity auction or party in a local university would be helpful. I have already contacted the local university and got a response from the head master of the institution that he agrees to provide you with a place and all needed equipment to set up the event. Your task is to give him a call and talk over details. I am waiting for your prompt response, Sincerely yours, Eugene.
Dear John,

I am writing to ask you about a favor.

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
you know I am a volunteer in a charitable organization.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Currently
I work as a doctor in a poor country that
is located
on a Caribbean island. Recently a severe hurricane hit the region, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
north, the size of the damage has become apparent.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
buildings have
been flattered
or
seriously
damaged; the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lost almost all their possessions. This situation should
be addressed
.

I decided to ask you to collect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money for my organization in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the region. I know that you have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
hearth and a huge number of acquaintances in business, admiration and educational institutions all of that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you a perfect candidate for the job.

Firstly
, you have
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
followers on your Facebook page and Instagram account, I would like to that you posted an open letter in which you would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the essence of the problem and ask them to donate as much money as they could.
Secondly
, organizing a charity auction or party in a local university would be helpful. I have already contacted the local university and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a response from the head master of the institution that he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
to provide you with a place and all needed equipment to set up the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
. Your task is to give him a call and talk over
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

I am waiting for your prompt response,

Sincerely
yours,

Eugene.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS letter 22/09/2017Write a letter to a friend to ask for his/her help to collect money for a charity organization. The letter needs to cover the following details. - why do you want to collect money for the charity organization? - Ask your friend to help- explain in v. 2

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
250 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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