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Zoos are sometimes seen as necessary but not poor alternatives to a natural environment. Discuss some of the arguments for and/or against keeping animals in zoos. v.1

Zoos are sometimes seen as necessary but not poor alternatives to a natural environment. Discuss some of the arguments for and/or against keeping animals in zoos. v. 1
People have different views about accommodation, some people believe that cities have a higher standard, while, other people think that living rural regions are better. In my opinion, I agree the first statement that living in cities are more convenience. On the one hand, living in cities brings a lot of benefit due to many reasons. Firstly, city life presents a chance to improve development in career. Furthermore, when people decide to live in the city, they will have opportunities to look for good jobs. For instance, almost young people tend to live and work in urban after graduate because cities are economic growth centre. Secondly, cities are an ideal place for shopping. Obviously, the large brand stores to smaller have opened in cities; therefore, people can purchase anything that they want easily. On the other hand, rural living is also some advantage because of several causes. The first point, living in the rural is beneficial for health as it is less affected by waste gases that come out from means of transport. To illustrate, there is a tendency for people to use bike cycles rather than other transports in village sections; thus, the environment in this place is clearer air. The second point, living in the countryside is peaceful; consequently, it is a place suitable to people relax and enjoy after period busy working. In conclusion, many people agree that living in the cities are better because having a great deal of chance to develop careers, and convenience to purchase; while, other people like to live in villages due to less pollution and suiting rest.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about accommodation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have a higher standard, while,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
rural regions are better. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
the
first
statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are more convenience.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefit due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.
Firstly
, city life presents a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
development in career.
Furthermore
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the city, they will have opportunities to look for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
jobs.
For instance
, almost young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
and work in urban after graduate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are economic growth
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are an ideal place for shopping.
Obviously
, the large brand stores to smaller have opened in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
;
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
anything that they want
easily
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of several causes. The
first
point,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the rural is beneficial for health as it is less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by waste gases that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out from means of transport. To illustrate, there is a tendency for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
bike cycles
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
transports in village sections;
thus
, the environment in this place is clearer air. The second point,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the countryside is peaceful;
consequently
, it is a place suitable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relax and enjoy after period busy working.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
having a great deal of chance to develop careers, and convenience to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
; while,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in villages due to less pollution and suiting rest.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Zoos are sometimes seen as necessary but not poor alternatives to a natural environment. Discuss some of the arguments for and/or against keeping animals in zoos. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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