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Youth drug abuse is a serious problem. What are the possible causes of this behaviour? Do you have any suggestion to control that? v.2

Youth drug abuse is a serious problem. What are the possible causes of this behaviour? Do you have any suggestion to control that? v. 2
Drug addiction among young people is currently a serious dilemma in many countries. Everyone is at risk, and the obstacle takes everyone, both rich and poor. The reasons for this behaviour lie in the upbringing and imitation of the actions of adults. Solving the issue requires a clear explanation of all the reasons. The problem of improper education plays an important role. With education, children tend to think less about narcotic things. Low awareness is a characteristic of poor parenting about drugs. However, it should be noted that children repeat the behaviour of their brothers and sisters and resort to their drug use often because of their extensive experience. Studies have shown that pessimistic attitudes and extreme poverty also affect the distribution of drugs among young people. For example, in Fujukkhart, Bangladesh, in a poor country, drug dependence among young people is higher than in economically developed countries. Each trouble is based on the psychological level of each of us. Also with drug addiction, people are exposed to the use of prohibited means due to weak mental defences to negative things. Therefore, those who do not receive proper attention fall into this circle as well as those who are not independent in terms of decisions. A consultation with a psychiatrist or a certified course of treatment will save young people from this complication. But these are the only methods for dealing with the consequences. To prevent such cases, adults need to constantly be in touch with young people and help them in difficult decisions. Adults are needed to help the young. In conclusion, the obstacle of the distribution of narcotic substances among young people should be solved by professionals and with the help of adult care. This is recommended to teach young people to develop their personality and not to build their history in the footsteps of their brothers and sisters. If we play our roles properly, we will have a better society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Drug
addiction among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
currently
a serious dilemma in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. Everyone is at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
, and the obstacle takes everyone, both rich and poor. The reasons for this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
lie in the upbringing and imitation of the actions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. Solving the issue requires a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
explanation of all the reasons.

The problem of improper education plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role. With education, children tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
less about narcotic things. Low awareness is a characteristic of poor parenting about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
.
However
, it should
be noted
that children repeat the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of their brothers and sisters and resort to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their extensive experience. Studies have shown that pessimistic attitudes and extreme poverty
also
affect the distribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Fujukkhart
, Bangladesh, in a poor country,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
dependence among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
higher than in
economically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
.

Each trouble
is based
on the psychological level of each of us.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
addiction,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are exposed
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of prohibited means due to weak mental
Possible spelling mistake. 'defences' is British English.
defences
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
things.
Therefore
, those who do not receive proper attention fall into this circle
as well
as those who are not independent in terms of decisions. A consultation with a psychiatrist or a certified course of treatment will save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from this complication.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
these are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
methods for dealing with the consequences. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
such cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
need to
constantly
be in touch with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in difficult decisions.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Adults
are needed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the young.

In conclusion
, the obstacle of the distribution of narcotic substances among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be solved
by professionals and with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of adult care. This
is recommended
to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to develop their personality and not to build their history in the footsteps of their brothers and sisters. If we play our roles
properly
, we will have a better
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
society
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Youth drug abuse is a serious problem. What are the possible causes of this behaviour? Do you have any suggestion to control that? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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