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Some universities require first-year students to live in dormitories on campus. Others allow students to live off campus. Which policy do you think is better for first-year students and why? Include details and examples in your explanation. v.1

Some universities require first-year students to live in dormitories on campus. Others allow students to live off campus. Which policy do you think is better for first-year students and why? Include details and examples in your explanation. v. 1
Rural residents going for shopping in big city stores is resulting in small town centre shops running out of business. Exposure to new products may be argued to be an advantage, but the detrimental effect of the products not being used locally and the fact that sometimes the same product may be available at a higher rate in cities cannot be ignored. The Rural economy is predominantly dependent on local consumption. As a result of people going to the local shops to buy all their needs, these shops are able to make profits and the products consumed locally. To illustrate, studies reveal that about 80% of the rural population buy all their things locally. However, with the current tendencies for going to bigger cities for shopping, local produce is not being used, resulting in an impact on the rural economy. Another effect of people not buying locally is that the small shop owners are now forced to sell the produce to the cities through middlemen. Consequently, the rates are increased. For example, the same pair of shirts would cost almost twice in a city shop than in the local rural market. A general argument is that by shopping in big cities, the villagers are exposed to the latest items and they get to choose from lot of variety. For instance, they may be able to get the latest fertilizers which would benefit them. While this can be seen as an advantage, it is minimal when compared to all the negative effects. In conclusion, while there may be some advantages to buying at big city store, the negative impact outnumbers the positives. While ensuring that small shops do not close down, the government should take measures to make the latest products available to rural residents.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rural
residents going for shopping in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city stores is resulting in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
town
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
running out of business. Exposure to new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
may
be argued
to be an advantage,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the detrimental effect of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
not being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locally
and the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
may be available at a higher rate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Rural
economy is
predominantly
dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
consumption.
As a result
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
all their needs, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
profits and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
consumed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locally
. To illustrate, studies reveal that about 80% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
all their things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locally
.
However
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
tendencies for going to bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for shopping,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
produce is not being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
, resulting in an impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
economy.

Another effect of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
not buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locally
is that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
owners are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
forced to sell the produce to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
through middlemen.
Consequently
, the rates
are increased
.
For example
, the same pair of shirts would cost almost twice in a city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
than in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
market.

A general argument is that by shopping in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, the villagers
are exposed
to the latest
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
items and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to choose from
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
variety.
For instance
, they may be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the latest fertilizers which would benefit them. While this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as an advantage, it is minimal when compared to all the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects.

In conclusion
, while there may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages to buying at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city store, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact outnumbers the positives. While ensuring that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
do not close down, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
available to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
residents.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some universities require first-year students to live in dormitories on campus. Others allow students to live off campus. Which policy do you think is better for first-year students and why? Include details and examples in your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
294 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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