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Your school wants to improve the quality of students’ life in the dormitory. Which one of the following do you think the school should build in dorms? 1. a quiet study area; 2. an exercise room for students to keep physical well-being; 3. a room for ent v.2

Your school wants to improve the quality of students’ life in the dormitory. Which one of the following do you think the school should build in dorms? 1. a quiet study area; 2. an exercise room for students to keep physical well-being; 3. a room for ent v. 2
The future belongs to the youngsters, which requires the schools to give top priority to the rights and benefits of students. Not only should the schools emphasize on improving students’ academic performance, nut they ought to pay more attention to ensure the well-being of students’ life. When presented with the dilemma of what to build in the dorm, if I were the decision maker, I would like to choose to establish an exercise room for students to keep physical health compared with build a study area or an entertainment room. Admittedly, students do need a comfortable and quiet space to fully concentrate on learning. But it does not mean that an extra study area in dorm is necessary. Nowadays, the vast majority of students have good manner, which indicates that they will keep the noise down if their roommates temporarily need to study. Even though the dormitories are extremely noisy so that they cannot be totally focused, they can go to the libraries for the sake of an excellent environment. What’s more, the students’ required courses have already been intensive, there is no reason for them to study all the time even if after class. Hence, an extra study area is meaningless and the funding can be better used. The same can also hold for the entertainment room. Facing fierce competition with their peers, they have been saddled with heavy load of study. Generally, they are more likely to relax themselves after a whole day study, such as playing computer games, watching movies and so forth. However, all of these can be fulfilled in their rooms or the shopping malls rather than the useless entertainment room since the room specially for entertainment may not greatly match their own hobbies. According to the reports from the educational column of the New York Times, when referring their hobbies, above fifty percent of the university students choose playing video games, followed by the data that almost thirty percent of students choose exercising in gyms as their favourite. Both of these two popular demands cannot be satisfied by the entertainment room. Therefore, it is abrupt to establish an additional room for entertainment without exploring whether the students have preference to it. Finally, taking the utility and students’ interests into account, there is every reason to believe that adding a exercise room in the dorms is the wisest option. First, it is obvious that this decision is conducive to students’ physical health. As they are suffer from staying in the classroom all day, taking regular exercises has been increasingly imperative. If they have easier access to do exercise in the dormitories, they do not have to travel a long distance to the gyms off campus. As a result, they can benefit a lot from sufficient exercise on a daily basis. In addition, offering a exercise room to the students is also an effective method to relieve their pressure from bustling study. For instance, they are busy with a number of assignments everyday, such as writing papers and preparing for endless tests, thus they are always stressed out. During such time, an exercise room will be the best choice for them to get away from daily grind. Consequently, establishing a room for exercise is conducive for their physical and psychological health. In sum, although some people may consider a quite study area or a specialized entertainment space can effectively improve students’ life, I definitely believe that an exercise room can literally give the students a sense of well-being.
The future belongs to the youngsters, which requires the schools to give top priority to the rights and benefits of
students
. Not
only
should the schools emphasize on improving
students’
academic performance, nut they ought to pay more attention to ensure the well-being of
students’
life. When presented with the dilemma of what to build in the dorm, if I were the decision maker, I would like to choose to establish an
exercise
room
for
students
to
keep
physical health compared with build a
study
area
or an entertainment room.

Admittedly
,
students
do need a comfortable and quiet space to
fully
concentrate on learning.
But
it does not mean that an extra
study
area
in dorm is necessary. Nowadays, the vast majority of
students
have
good
manner, which indicates that they will
keep
the noise down if their roommates
temporarily
need to
study
.
Even though
the dormitories are
extremely
noisy
so
that they cannot be
totally
focused, they can go to the libraries for the sake of an excellent environment. What’s more, the
students’
required courses have already been intensive, there is no reason for them to
study
all the time even if after
class
.
Hence
, an extra
study
area
is meaningless and the funding can be better
used
.

The same can
also
hold for the entertainment
room
. Facing fierce competition with their peers, they have
been saddled
with heavy load of
study
.
Generally
, they are more likely to relax themselves after a whole day
study
, such as playing computer games, watching movies and
so
forth.
However
, all of these can
be fulfilled
in their
rooms
or the shopping malls
rather
than the useless entertainment
room
since the
room
specially
for entertainment may not
greatly
match their
own
hobbies. According to the reports from the educational column of the New York Times, when referring their hobbies, above fifty percent of the university
students
choose playing video games, followed by the data that almost thirty percent of
students
choose
exercising
in gyms as their
favourite
. Both of these two popular demands cannot
be satisfied
by the entertainment
room
.
Therefore
, it is abrupt to establish an additional
room
for entertainment without exploring whether the
students
have preference to it.

Finally
, taking the utility and
students’
interests into account, there is every reason to believe that adding
a
exercise
room
in the dorms is the wisest option.
First
, it is obvious that this decision is conducive to
students’
physical health. As they are
suffer
from staying in the classroom all day, taking regular
exercises
has been
increasingly
imperative. If they have easier access to do
exercise
in the dormitories, they do not
have to
travel a long distance to the gyms off campus.
As a result
, they can benefit a lot from sufficient
exercise
on a daily basis.
In addition
, offering
a
exercise
room
to the
students
is
also
an effective method to relieve their pressure from bustling
study
.
For instance
, they are busy with a number of assignments
everyday
, such as writing papers and preparing for endless
tests
,
thus
they are always
stressed
out. During such time, an
exercise
room
will be the best choice for them to
get
away from daily grind.
Consequently
, establishing a
room
for
exercise
is conducive for their physical and psychological health.

In sum, although
some
people
may consider a quite
study
area
or a specialized entertainment space can
effectively
improve
students’
life, I definitely believe that an
exercise
room
can
literally
give the
students
a sense of well-being.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Your school wants to improve the quality of students’ life in the dormitory. Which one of the following do you think the school should build in dorms? 1. a quiet study area; 2. an exercise room for students to keep physical well-being; 3. a room for ent v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
582 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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